Not Always Simple, But Beautiful
by JaydenBell
Summary: Danny meets a new woman in his building. Only life can happen from that point on. Danny/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story has been my brain child for quite some time now and I'm glad to say here it is, ready for the world to see. I want to thank TessaStarDean so so so much for helping me out with this. It wouldn't have made it this far without her help. But any and all mistakes are still mine alone.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. Kerry and Loren are mine.**

**--**

Danny turned the key in the lock on his mailbox in the lobby of his building. He was finally making it home after nearly 16 hours on the clock. He wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and go to bed.

He pulled his mail out of the box and sorted through it. Mostly junk mail, a couple bills, nothing exciting. Just as he was locking the box back up, he heard a little shuffle, then felt something collide with the back of his legs.

"Loren, Mommy said slow down." Danny heard a woman calling. Danny looked down to see a little girl, who he now presumed to be Loren, shaking her hair from her face and standing back away from Danny.

Danny smiled and squatted down to reach the little girl's level. "Hi. I'm Danny. Are you Loren?"

The little girl shyly nodded. "What do you say we wait here for your mommy?" She nodded again and turned around to look in the direction she had been running from. Just then a woman appeared around the corner, most of her upper body hidden from view by a box. She was trying to navigate her way around, peeking past the edges of the box as much as she could.

Danny looked at Loren again. "Is that Mommy?" Once again, the girl nodded, but still did not speak to him. He stood, keeping a mindful eye on the small child. "'Scuse me, ma'am. Why don't I give you a hand."

The woman set the box down on the table in the lobby and looked around to get a better look at who was speaking and to make sure she had finally caught up with her daughter. "Loren, come here please," she said softly to the child. Loren ran to her mother and clamped her arms around her leg. Looking up from her daughter to Danny, the woman shrugged and smiled. "Sorry. She was supposed to be holding on to me. I'm Kerry Motalzo. This is Loren. We're moving in upstairs, 6 D." She extended her hand toward him, now giving him a chance to finally look at her, without a box in front of her face. He was taken aback by the similarities between mother and daughter. They both had the same wavy dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and bright cheeky smiles.

He reached forward to shake her hand. "I'm Danny Messer. I live in 11 D." He pointed to the box that Kerry had set down then to the elevator. "How about I help you out with this one while you and Loren catch your breath."

"Oh, that's not necessary. I wouldn't want to bother you. Besides, you look tired."

"Not a bother." He reached for the box. "Come on, maybe Loren here could push the button in the elevator for me, huh?" He looked down toward the girl.

Her brown eyes lit up and she looked up at her mother. "Can I push it?"

Kerry smiled. "Yes, but only push it once, and only push the button for our floor."

"Okay." She nodded her head and her curly brown pigtails bounced up and down with the motion.

They stepped into the elevator and Kerry pointed to the correct button for Loren to push. She pressed her finger on it very firmly and stepped back when it lit up. She looked up at her mother for approval and Kerry smiled. She then looked up at Danny who smiled at her also.

Danny shifted the box a little when the elevator reached the fourth floor and let them lead the way, even though he obviously knew where it was.

Kerry opened the door for 6 D and held it open for Danny to walk in. "Just set that down anywhere you want. There's no method to the madness yet."

Danny put the box on the floor among several others. Then turned back to Kerry and Loren. "Well ladies, that oughta do it. I'm gonna go home and clean up, get some rest. If you want, I can come by later and help out, ya know, if you need it."

Kerry smiled. "That's really sweet, but you don't have to do that. Really."

Danny shrugged. "Eh, not a problem. I mean, I don't wanna intrude or anything, but I'd certainly like to help out a new neighbor if I can."

"Only if you insist. But you can't come by for at least eight hours. You look like you need some serious sleep."

"Deal. I'll see you later." He crouched down to look Loren in the eye, which caused her to bashfully hold onto her mother a little tighter. "You listen to your ma, okay? Be a good helper for her."

Loren nodded. When Danny stood and turned around to leave, Loren waved at his retreating form. "Bye."

**--**

**Thanks for reading. I'd love feedback of any kind. If you want another chapter, let me know… ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to those of you who reviewed and/or added. It really makes my day. And thanks again to my beta. But all mistakes are still mine.**

**Disclaimer: There are several chapters coming here…I'm not gonna lie, I don't think I can pull off quippy or sarcastic in the disclaimer in every chapter; I'm just not naturally that talented, unfortunately. (But lets just be clear that I own nothing you recognize)**

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Danny pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans and grabbed a t-shirt from his dresser. His doorbell buzzed just as he was walking from his room. He pulled the t-shirt over his head as he walked, and grabbed his wallet from the kitchen counter as he walked by. The pizza boy at the door was the same college kid who had delivered to him dozens of times. They gave each other a standard greeting and Danny tipped the boy well before he left.

He put his shoes and glasses on before sticking his phone in his pocket and walking out the door with the pizzas.

Danny knocked on the door and waited for a reply. Kerry answered looking more tired than she had that morning, but let a relieved smile break through when she saw Danny. "Hey."

"Hey. I brought food. Thought you guys might be ready for a break." He hoisted the pizza boxes a little bit to emphasize his point.

"Oh, absolutely." She held the door open for him to enter and closed it when he was inside. "Um, Loren actually crashed a little while ago. Poor thing. This move has really taken it out of her."

Danny put the pizza boxes on the kitchen counter and followed Kerry into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as she searched for paper plates. "Yeah, this is a lot of excitement for a kid. How old is she anyway?"

"Just turned three."

"Wow, she's dealing with this really well. Tough girl."

"Yeah, she always has been," Kerry replied, her back to him as she opened another cabinet. "It's always just been the two of us, so she's learned how to be brave." She found the plates and turned back toward Danny. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me. She's my little rock."

Danny opened the pizza boxes. "I got one with cheese and one with everything. Didn't know what you liked."

"I eat pretty much anything," she said as she took a slice of each and put them on her plate.

Danny did the same. "So, it's just you and Loren. Did, uh, did something happen to her father?"

"Yeah, I told him I was pregnant. Haven't seen him since that day."

"Sorry 'bout that. His loss as far as I can tell."

Kerry blushed a little. "Thanks. Really not a big deal. Me and Lor have made it this long without a man to care for us, don't see why we would need one now." She shrugged. "I actually moved us here to be a little closer to my parents. They wanted to see more of Loren and help out. They want to watch Loren for me while I work instead of me sending her to daycare."

"Well it's good that you have family to support you. And I know we just met, but I'm always here too. I may not always have a cup of sugar that you can borrow, but I try to be as helpful to my neighbors as I can."

Kerry grabbed a couple bottles of water from the fridge and handed one from Danny. "Thanks. I think right now I'm just thankful that you're helping out with this stuff," she gestured around the room, "because I don't know how I'm gonna get it all done."

Before Danny could respond, Loren padded into the room from the short hallway. She was rubbing her eyes and trailed a blanket behind her. "Mommy?"

Kerry set her pizza down and wiped her hands on her jeans as she approached her daughter. "Hey baby girl," she scooped the child up and settled her onto her hip, "did you have a good nap?" Loren nodded. "Yeah? You want some pizza?"

Loren was suddenly wide awake. "Yeah!"

Kerry set Loren back on the floor and smoothed her hand over her hair in an attempt to tame it. It had been taken out of the pigtails it was in before, but it was still wavy and bouncy around her face. "Kid, you got your momma's hair," Kerry said as she stroked her fingers through the soft brown curls. "And you're just as stubborn about cutting it too." She smiled down at her daughter as they walked into the kitchen to get more pizza.

Kerry sat Loren on the counter and handed her a napkin before letting her take a slice. As they ate, Loren absently kicked her bare feet against the side of the counter. Danny noticed that her pink painted toe nails matched her fingernails…._Cute, _he thought.

After they finished eating, Kerry sent Loren to the bathroom to wash the pizza sauce off her face. Before she left the kitchen, she turned around and looked up at Danny with her big brown eyes beaming at him. She tugged on his pant leg, indicating he should lower himself so she could speak. When he did so, she leaned close to him as if she was going to tell a secret. "Thank you for the pizza, Danny." Before Danny could respond, she turned and ran to the bathroom to finish washing up.

Danny stood up and laughed. "You be sure to keep an eye on that one when she gets older; she's gonna be a heart breaker for sure."

Kerry crossed her arms in front of her chest and smiled lightly, looking in the direction of the bathroom her daughter just ducked into. "Yeah, I hope so."

"So, more boxes?"

Kerry turned around and looked around the room, then to Danny. "More boxes. Um, here are the keys to the truck. I'll be down as soon as Loren is done."

Danny took the keys that were handed to him and headed for the door.

--

Several trips later, the last of the boxes and furniture filled the apartment. After closing the door behind them, Kerry went to the fridge. She handed a small bottle of juice to Loren and tossed a bottle of water to Danny.

He cracked the seal and downed half the bottle before taking a breath. "Thanks. I needed that."

"You're welcome." Kerry slouched unceremoniously on the couch and waved for him to sit also. "And thank you so much for your help today. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Oh, hey, any time."

They sat silently for several minutes, drinking their water. When Danny looked back over to Loren, she was laying on the floor next to the wall with her blanket haphazardly pulled over her body, her juice bottle carefully set aside. He pointed to where she lay and smiled. "I guess it's past her bedtime."

Kerry looked at her watch. "Pretty close. I can't believe it's already seven o'clock. I feel like I should have gotten more done today."

"You got everything moved. I'd say that's quite an accomplishment with a toddler in tow."

"I wouldn't have gotten it done without your help. Thank you again."

"You're welcome." He stood and started to stretch the kinks in his back. "Just promise me you'll both get some sleep tonight. And let me know if you need help with anything else."

"Okay."

Danny pulled his wallet from his pocket and took a card from it. He handed it to her and tucked his wallet away again. "My cell and home numbers are both on there. My work number is on there too, but I'm never in my office when people call. If you ever need something, don't hesitate."  
Kerry clutched the card in the palm of her hand as she walked to the door with him. "Are you this nice to all the new neighbors?"

"To be honest, I probably would have been less helpful if you were built like a linebacker. But moving with kids can't be easy and you seemed nice. I didn't figure there would be any harm in getting to know ya." He stepped out the door. "I'll see ya around."

"Yeah, see ya around." Kerry closed the door and locked it behind him. When she looked at the card he gave her, she smiled before putting it in her purse. _Detective Danny Messer, NYPD._

**--**

**Thanks for reading. Feedback is always welcome and if you want another chapter, all you gotta do is ask.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to those who have reviewed and/or added. That makes my day super. As does a REALLY random episode of CSI:NY (for those of you who haven't seen it yet, brace yourselves). Thanks to my lovely beta, who helped make this work, but I still claim all mistakes as my own.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:NY or anything affiliated, because if I did, we would have more episodes like the one that aired tonight. WOW!**

**--**

"Oh come on Kerry, I'll make dinner, we'll watch a movie, it'll be a good time. We have a blast together, don't we Lor?" Danny reach down and scooped the toddler up and zipped her around, making propeller noises with his mouth. After spinning in two circles, he stopped and landed Loren on the couch, her giggling not stopping. "Seriously. You go out and do whatever," he lowered his voice a bit and nudged her on the arm, "do whatever," he smirked, causing her to grin, "and have a good time. Me and Loren will be fine. You worry too much."

"I just, I hate leaving her."

"Ker, who are you leaving her with?" Danny steeled her with a sharp gaze.

Kerry sighed, as they had been through this twice before when Danny had volunteered to take care of Loren for the night. "I'm leaving her with a cop." When she stopped, Danny squinted at her even harder. "I'm leaving her with a cop, who is also my neighbor, who has quickly become one of my best friends, who cares greatly for my kid and would do anything to protect her. Got it."

Danny smiled. "Good, just so we got that straight. Now you should go finish getting ready for your date while I make dinner for me and Lor."

Kerry went back to her bedroom while Danny headed for the kitchen. "Lor, what's it gonna be tonight?"

Loren bounced off the couch and followed in Danny's wake. "Danny's chicken."

Danny smiled. Loren had become fond of Danny's cooking and particularly the zesty chicken strips he concocted the first time he cooked for the two of them. "Chicken it is. Green beans or corn with it?"

"Green beans."

Danny laughed. She was a healthy eater and rarely picky. A lot like her mother. He picked her up and put her on the tall stool in front of the counter. He put the ingredients for the chicken strips on the counter and took out everything else he would need to cook the meal. As he cooked, he gave Loren small tasks to help with such as dunking the chicken strips into the batter or wiping the messy spots on the counter with a paper towel. Once all the chicken was in the frying pan, he began cleaning up the counter and cooking the beans. Just as he was helping Loren clean her hands off, he heard the bedroom door open down the hall. He peeked past the end of the counter in time to see Kerry walking from her room. She had on a dark red, sleeveless dress that ran down to the floor, but had a slit up the right side that went clear up past her knee, showing her tan, shapely legs when she stepped. She had simple heels that matched the color of the dress, and her hair was left down, pinned back on one side. Danny grinned and tapped Loren on the shoulder. He pointed in Kerry's direction, and when Loren looked, her eyes got wide.

"Mommy's pretty."

Kerry smiled. "Thank you baby." She kissed Loren on top of her head.

"Hey, you clean up nice. I thought this was just the second date, huh?" He grinned and turned back to what he was cooking.

"Yes Danny, this is the second date. And I will be home later."

"Eh, whenever, take your time." He winked.

Kerry swatted him on the arm. "I'll be sure to keep the cracks coming next time you're nervous about a date."

"Hey, what are friends for."

Kerry grabbed her purse from the counter and kissed Loren again. "You be good for Danny, okay. Mommy will be home late so I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay." Loren hugged her mom and waved. "Bye mommy."

"Love you baby." She looked to Danny, who was still working on dinner for the two of them. "Thanks again Danny."

"Go, Ker, have fun."

She smiled as she walked out the door.

When the door closed solidly and Danny was sure she had finally left, he looked at Loren and grinned mischievously. "Okay, just me and you, kiddo. Time to party."

"Yay!" Loren cheered as she bounced in her chair, causing her hair to sway in her face.

"But first, we eat."

--

After dinner, Danny sent Loren to wash up while he cleaned up the kitchen. She watched him stash the leftover chicken in the fridge in a purple Tupperware dish, which meant she would get to eat it for lunch the next day.

When Danny finished with the kitchen, he stood to face Loren and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What's it gonna be tonight? Movie or a game?"

"Movie, movie, movie!" Loren bounced on her toes.

"Okay, ladies' choice." Danny smiled as Loren bounded over to the DVD tower to pick a movie.

She pulled 'Shrek' from the rack and held it out for him. He smiled and loaded it into the DVD player as she ran to her room. By the time he loaded the movie and sat back on the couch, Loren came back in the room with her blanket.

She hopped up on the couch next to Danny and curled up into his side. Danny spread the little blanket over Loren's lap once she was settled and hit 'play.'

They laughed and played through the movie like they always did. And Loren began calming down greatly near the end of the movie like she always did.

When the movie was over, Danny tapped Loren on the shoulder. "Hey Lor, what do ya say we get you ready for bed?"

Loren nodded and scooted off the couch, dragging her blanket with her. Danny followed her into her bedroom and turned back the bed linens. He helped her change into her pajamas that she had pulled from the bottom drawer of her dresser then followed her to the bathroom to help her brush her teeth. When she was finished with her teeth and face, he made sure she went to the bathroom then tucked her into bed. They said goodnight to each other before Danny turned out the light and left the room, pulling the door mostly closed behind him.

--

Danny woke to the sound of a soft voice whispering his name. He smiled and turned over, then realized where he was. He was asleep on Kerry's couch, which was not quite comfortable enough to be sleeping on. He opened his eyes to find Kerry crouched down next to him. She was still dressed up, but had taken her hair out of the pin holding it up on the side. Danny grinned when he saw her. "Hey. What time is it?"

"Almost midnight, Cinderella. You should get home."

"You're home early," he grinned.

"Just the second date, Danny."

"A'right, a'right. How was it?"

"Good food. Good company. Good second date."

Danny sat up and stretched. "That's a big smile for just a _good _date."

"How was Loren?" Kerry laughed, diverting the subject.

"Perfect little angel, like always."

"Thanks for watching her for me. Now go home."

"Anytime." He stood and stretched his arms over his head, grunting in relief, heading for the door. "See ya later Ker."

"Night Danny."

**--**

**Feedback of any kind is always welcome.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed and/or added. That's always so appreciated. And thanks to my beta who helped make this come together. All mistakes are my own.  
Sorry this one is so short, but the next one will more than make up for it.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize, but if anyone wants to lend Flack to me for a while, I'd be more than happy ;)**

**--**

Danny was sitting in the break room with Flack and Stella when his phone began buzzing on his belt. He looked at the caller ID and smiled. "Not often I'm so lucky to get a call from you in the middle of the day."

"_Well I'm glad you're feeling lucky cause I need a favor."_

"I'm here to serve and protect."

"_Cute. Do you think you can pick up Loren from gymboree class this afternoon? My mom is dropping her off there, but now I have another space to show and I don't know if I'll be through by then."_

"Sure. Four thirty right?"

"_Yes. And thank you so much. I owe you big time for this."_

"You make dinner, we call it even."

"_Deal. See you later."_

"Later, Kerry." By the time he hung up, all eyes were on him. "What?"

Flack grinned like an idiot at his friend. "Who's Kerry?"

"My neighbor."

"Oh yeah, she need to borrow a cup of sugar or something?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"She needed a favor. I'm a good neighbor, that's all."

Stella's grin began to match Flack's. "Good neighbor? But you're having dinner with her?"

"Sure."

"You realize we probably won't let this go until you give us details. What's she like?"

Danny caved. "Look, it ain't like that. We're just friends. I'm picking her kid up from gymboree class this afternoon cause she's tied up at work."

"So you're telling me," Flack leaned in, "that there is nothing going on between you two? Not even, like, a hint of something?"

"Seriously, Flack, she's just a friend. In fact, she went out on a date with someone a couple nights ago."

Flack opened his mouth to speak again but was interrupted by his cell phone buzzing. He looked at the display screen, then pocketed it. "This ain't over Messer. I'll see you later." He stood and headed for the door. "Later Stel."

"See ya." Stella turned her attention back to Danny. "So, seriously, what's she like?"

Danny laughed. "Come on, Stel. There's really nothing going on."

Stella put her hands up defensively. "Okay. But you seem to have been spending a lot of time with her. I mean, she trusts you with her child, yet we're only just now hearing about her. What gives?"

"Nothing gives. She's just a really great friend. Besides you guys, she's one of the best friends I have. And the best part is that I don't work with her. No offense. I just like that I have someone like that outside of work."

Shrugging, Stella leaned back in her chair. "Okay, that I get. I mean, we all have someone like that. I still don't get why she's some big secret."

"I don't know. Just never came up. That, and I knew Flack would give me hell about it."

"Yeah, I just hope she's not pretty, otherwise you're never gonna hear the end of it from him."

Danny cocked a grin and broke eye contact for just a moment. "Oh, she's pretty alright." He locked eyes with Stella. "I didn't say that, if Flack asks. It'll only confuse him more."

She laughed and squeezed his shoulder as she stood. "You know he's gonna be dropping by tonight to see for himself anyway. You might as well just grin and bear it."

**--**

**I know it was short, but feedback of any kind is still always welcome. And if you want the next chapter, all you have to do is vocalize a little.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, I think the reviews (or lack thereof) pretty much told me what you all thought of the last chapter...lol...and to be honest, it wasn't my favorite either (but you know you can always tell me that too). But there is a point to everything I write, even if it is a filler chapter. I promise this one will more than make up for it.  
I want to say thanks to those who did review and/or add. And thanks again to TessaStarDean. She helped make this story what it is. All mistakes are still my own (same ole song and dance, but I'll always give it to ya).**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize, but I am the proud owner of a new phone because my old one gave up on me...grr.**

**--**

Danny stood in the kitchen, pulling the caps off a couple beers. He dropped the caps on the counter and slid one beer across to Kerry, who was taking her earrings out and putting them in her purse.

She hadn't spoken much since he opened the door of his apartment to find her there.

It was Kerry's pivotal third date with this guy and Danny volunteered to take Loren for the night. She had been excited since she hadn't dated much since Loren was born. But now, standing in Danny's kitchen she was sure of two things: men were pigs, and one beer was not going to be enough tonight.

"I'm not gonna push you to talk unless you wanna talk. But you're definitely home early from your date and you look pissed. And you've barely said two words since you got here, which ain't like you at all. I just need some indication you're okay."

Kerry took a drink from her beer and set it back on the counter, studying it as she thought. "I'm not okay," she said quietly. "And ya wanna know why?" Her voice picked up some volume, but Danny knew she wouldn't lose it with Loren sleeping just down the hall in his guest room. "Because men are heartless." She finally looked up from her bottle and smiled sadly at Danny. "Except for you. I don't know what I've done to deserve you as a friend, but just don't change, okay. Cause you're probably the only guy in New York who has any respect for women as far as I can tell."

Danny picked up both beer bottles and took Kerry by the hand, leading her to the couch. She took the cue and sat, tucking her feet under herself and turning to face him a bit. Danny handed her beer back to her, which she easily took another drink from.

After sitting silently for a couple minutes Danny started again. "Ker, in all the time I've known you, I've never seen you like this. I need you to know you can talk to me. I'm a good listener."

"Yeah, they all say that until they know the truth," Kerry spat. A moment later, she realized she was being harsh and put her hand on Danny's. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. Maybe I should go home. I don't need to take this out on you."

Danny held onto her hand and held her to the couch. "Hey, what are friends for? I just don't want you to go home mad."

Kerry sank back into the couch and sighed. "I don't even know where to begin."

"Just try the beginning."

"Well, we had dinner and we were having a good time. Then we went back to his place and had a drink. Later, when we started to…undress, he saw my scars and said he couldn't sleep with someone who was so unnatural and marred." Her eyes were beginning to glaze over and Danny realized he had never seen her cry before.

Danny put a comforting hand on her knee. "Well pardon me for being so blunt, but good riddance. Everyone is unique and if he hasn't realized that by now, he doesn't deserve someone so unique and special in his life."

Kerry tried to smile at his words, letting a tear finally fall. "I just don't want to be alone forever because I'm ugly."

"Hey, hey," Danny softly chided. "Don't ever think that. You're beautiful. Just because some scum bag thinks that everyone's gotta look like Barbie to be pretty doesn't mean it's true. Okay?"

Kerry nodded her head gently.

"You sure? Cause you're not leaving here tonight until you've got your Kerry-sized self-esteem back"

She chuckled just a little. "Yeah, I'm sure. I just don't like third dates, ya know? The whole getting naked part. Even if the first two dates were fantastic, if a guy is afraid of my scars, it's all over."

"Here's a thought: get naked on the first date. Less waiting and anticipation."

Kerry swatted Danny on the arm. "Danny."

He laughed. "Sorry. Just trying to be helpful," he said jokingly.

"Stick to forensics."

They both smiled and paused before Danny spoke again, cautiously. "So, you have some scars. What happened?"

Kerry gave herself a moment before speaking. "I, um, I had breast cancer. I had double mastectomy…to remove the tumor, and to hopefully prevent any new cancerous growth. Between all of that and the reconstruction, I've got some scars. Some people come out of it looking completely normal. I, unfortunately, am far from it."

"You look normal to me."

"Of course I do. You haven't seen the ripped up, scarred up skin all over my chest."

"Well, if we're talking battle scars here, I have seen my fair share. My buddy, Flack, had his gut blown open by a bomb a couple years back. That one's a doozy. And I do have plenty of my own to speak of."

Kerry raised her eyebrows. "Really? Good ones?"

Danny put his leg up on the couch next to her and pulled up his pant leg. "Bullet graze to the calf my first year on the job."

Kerry leaned in to admire the white line. She then mirrored his action, extending her leg on the couch next to his. She pulled her dress up just past her knee. "Fell on a gardening shovel when I was about ten."

Danny nodded his approval. He took off his wrist watch and turned his hand up. "Shattered my wrist in a fight. There's a lot of hardware in there holding it all together."

Kerry turned around and pulled her hair up. Low on her neck, near her right shoulder was a faint zig-zag line. "I was showing an apartment a couple years ago and one of the lighting fixtures fell. Needless to say, the place didn't sell very well."

Danny chuckled at her good humor. When she turned back to him, he pulled the hem of his shirt from his pants and lifted the side of it up, exposing half his torso, and a white and pink line along his ribs. "I went to pick a guy up for questioning, next thing I know, I'm bleeding all over the place and the son-of-a-bitch is fast on his feet with a switch blade. Flack catches him as he's running out the door, sees the bloody knife and calls for help. I got forty-five stitches that night."

Kerry leaned forward to examine the ragged scar. "Ouch. At least you got to arrest the guy for assault after that."

"Oh, he was guilty of manslaughter anyway," Danny added as he put his shirt back down.

Kerry looked at Danny hesitantly and shrugged. "I'm out of battle scars. I mean, the only ones I have left to show are, ya know…"

"Yeah."

They sat in an awkward silence for just seconds before Kerry broke it again. "Ya know what? We're both adults." Danny gave her a questioning glance. "It's not like either of us hasn't seen skin before." She raised her arm and pulled on the zipper at the side of her dress.

"Ker, hey. You don't gotta do that."

"Chill Danny. I'm not stripping. I've already been humiliated once tonight. But I'm certainly not gonna let you one-up me with the nastiest scars." She pulled the dress away from the side of her body, holding it close to her front, exposing the side of her left breast. When she looked over at Danny, he was looking down at his beer. "Danny, seriously, it's safe," she laughed.

When Danny looked up, he looked into her eyes. She didn't seem bothered at all and her mood had completely changed from what it had been just minutes ago. Sure that she wouldn't be offended, he looked at the area she was indicating. There, along a full and rounded breast, were several jagged white and pink lines. Some that were uneven and seemed to be unexplained, and many others that were crisp and sharp, indicating surgical tools had made the marks. He noticed a small area that looked like mesh, he figured it to be a graft. The whole area seemed so foreign compared to the rest of her body, and he found it hard to believe that it was even her body he was looking at.

As if reading his mind, Kerry spoke up. "The other side isn't as bad. They didn't have to take tumors from the other one, so it was easier to repair."

Danny sat up and cleared his throat. "But you still have both, uh…I mean, they're both…"

Kerry laughed as she pulled her dress back into place and pulled the zipper up. "Yeah, they're fake. Amazing what they can do with silicon and saline these days, huh?"

"I'll say." Danny's eyes widened when he realized what he said. "Sorry. I'm still a guy."

"Yeah." Kerry smiled. "I don't understand why guys are so fascinated by 'em. I mean, they're just not the same as the real thing."

"It's all in the idea. I can't explain it. Just like I wouldn't really expect you to be able to explain the female fascination with guys biceps and pecs."

"Everyone's got their thing," Kerry nodded in agreement.

"That's right. And we're just gonna have to find you a guy who's got a thing for a tough girl with a few scars to share and stories to go with them."

"And a kid." She pointed back to the bedroom where her daughter was still sleeping.

"Anyone who doesn't like her has a whole other set of problems. Cause let's face it, that's one incredibly cool kid."

Kerry smiled. "She's a great kid. I couldn't have wished for a better little angel than her."

"Yeah. So are you alright?"  
"Yeah, thanks Danny."

"Eh, anytime. I'll tell you what. How about you go get changed into something more comfortable, come back over here and we'll watch a movie. I planned on watching it after Loren was in bed, but movies are even better with company."

Kerry settled back on Danny's couch 15 minutes later. He had put a bowl of popcorn on the table, as well as two more beers.

Halfway through the movie, Kerry was stretching out across the couch, resting her feet in Danny's lap. Within minutes Danny realized she was asleep. When the movie was over, Danny moved her feet so he could get up. He leaned over her and spoke softly. "Ker, it's late. You should go home and sleep in your bed. This couch will eat you alive." Kerry grumbled a little as she adjusted on the couch. Danny didn't understand what she said, but he was pretty sure she was going to be out for a while. He looked down at her on the couch and sighed. Leaning down, he scooped her up and cradled her against his body. She settled herself against him in her sleep as he carried her to his bed. He carefully laid her down and pulled the covers up over her. After quietly grabbing an extra blanket from the closet, he made his way back to the living room.

--

As the sun crept through the windows, Danny felt a soft touch on his arm and a gentle kiss on his cheek. He smiled and opened his eyes, looking over at Loren with her bright smile and messy hair. "Morning sweetheart." He turned over to grab her and scoop her up. He twisted back with her and sat her on his chest. She giggled when she landed. "Did you sleep good?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Hey, you wanna know a secret?" She nodded her head rapidly. "Your mommy is sleeping in my room. I think you should go wake her up while I make some coffee."

"Okay," she whispered, as though she might wake her mother up too soon if she spoke loudly.

Danny helped her down from the couch and watched her scurry into the master bedroom. He stretched and walked into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee as he listened to Loren waking her mother up.

By the time the coffee was through brewing, Kerry shuffled her way into the kitchen, pulling her hair back with an elastic. Loren was right behind her and now had her little blanket with her.

Danny poured a cup of coffee and set it on the counter, already sipping his own. After Kerry took a drink, he smiled at her. "Morning, sunshine."

"Cute." She rubbed her face, trying to wake herself up some more and sat facing him on a stool at the counter. "How did I end up in your bed and you end up on the couch?"

"You fell asleep." He shrugged as though the answer was that simple.

"So? You should have woken me up, kicked me back to my place."

"You were really asleep. I just figured you would have been more comfortable in bed than on the couch."

"Would it do me any good to remind you that this is your place and you get first dibs on your bed, even when your crazy friend falls asleep here?"

"You'd be wasting your breath."

She nodded resolutely. "In that case, thanks. And thanks for last night."

"Don't mention it."

Kerry reached down to pull Loren up on her lap before taking another drink of coffee. "So what time do you have to work today?"

"Noon. I just take what they give me ya know. Leave the good shifts for people with families and obligations. Can't complain."

"Danny Messer. Always doin' the right thing."

"What can I say? Just can't help myself."

**--**

**Okay, there it is. I really hope you all enjoyed it and feedback is always welcome. More coming tomorrow night...if I feel people are still interested (hint hint).**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I hada feeling you would like that chapter and I'm so glad you did.And it means the world to me to get feedback about what you like or don't like.  
This one is gonna be a little short again (sorry, they come and go), but I hope you'll enjoy it just the same. Thanks to my lovely beta who helped make this come together, but I still fully claim all my mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize, so no lawsuits please :)**

**--**

Danny walked into the break room smiling at the determined looks on Lindsay, Stella, and Flack's faces as they studied the file between them.

As he headed for the coffee pot he frowned, finding it empty. He started a fresh pot and waited silently for it to brew. He poured a cup when it was finished and sat on the couch to relax for a moment. When Stella smelled the rich brew, she stood to pour herself a cup as well, effectively putting their case on hold.

When Flack saw his friend on the couch, he approached him. "Man, you look beat."

"Long day, don't ask."

Lindsay laughed and chimed in. "There were four dumpsters and six drunk college kids at the first scene today. He drew the short stick."

"Bummer."

"Oh my god," Stella coughed. Everyone looked at her. "Danny, how strong did you make this coffee?"

"Sorry, I didn't get much sleep. I needed a jolt."

"Mission accomplished." Stella poured her coffee in the sink and took a bottle of water from the fridge.

Flack waggled his eyebrows at Danny. "Long night, Mess?"

"No. Kerry came over last night. After she fell asleep, I put her in my bed and crashed on the couch." He put his hand on the back of his neck and twisted around. "I definitely need a new couch."

"Why didn't she go home? She lives like ten feet away."

"She was too tired. Loren was asleep in my guest room anyway, so it didn't matter."

"I don't know how you have a woman that hot living right next door to you and you seem to have absolutely nothing but friendly feelings for her." Flack heard the sound of high heels clicking toward him but couldn't duck soon enough. "Ouch. Linds? What'd I do?"

Lindsay was about to give him another smack to the head when Stella stepped up. "Allow me." Stella swatted him, causing his glare to turn to her. "Did you think maybe he just wants to be friends with her?"

"Have you met this woman? She's everything Danny has ever liked in a girl, all in one person."

Nobody spoke for a second and Flack hunched his shoulders. "I'm about to get smacked again, aren't I?"

Danny looked to Flack's left and right at each of the women. "Unless you can come up with something really clever in the next four seconds."

"Look, why am I the one being killed here? Dan's the one who had a woman in his bed last night."

"Danny's single, that's his right," Stella stated.  
"And he slept on the couch," Lindsay added.

"Don't remind me." Danny rubbed the back of his neck again.

"Okay, fine. I'm gonna go before I somehow put my foot further into my mouth."

"That might be in your best interest, man."

"We'll get back to this later ladies," Flack said about their case as he picked up the file from the table.

Once Flack was out of the room, Stella and Lindsay sat on either side of Danny on the couch and smiled at him. When nobody spoke for several moments, Danny felt uneasy. "What?"

"We're just curious," Stella began.  
"Oh come on, I really am telling the truth. Why can't anyone believe that I just have a female friend for once? I'm friends with you guys and you don't think I have anything up my sleeve when I offer to buy a round of drinks or something."

"That's true. But we haven't spent the night in your bed," Lindsay grinned wickedly as she spoke.  
"That's not true. She has," Danny stated solidly as he pointed at Stella.

Lindsay looked at Stella with her brow wrinkled in confusion. "I had a really bad day, got drunk. He couldn't get me to go home, so he took me back to his place. He tucked me into bed when I was through puking," Stella explained matter-of-factly.

"Ah, yeah, not the same," Lindsay shook her head.

"Exactly," Stella nodded.

Danny pulled himself from the couch and turned to face the women. "While you ladies speculate," he gestured between them with his coffee cup, "I still have work to do. So if you'll excuse me." He started to walk out the door, then stopped and turned back. "And no talking, scheming, or girlish giggles until I'm well out of ear shot." With that he left the room and headed back to his work.

After holding their breath for a moment, Lindsay and Stella let out a laugh which could be heard clear down the hall.

**--**

**Once again, feedback is super helpful and always welcome.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews again! They are so helpful and I really like to hear what you think. Thanks to my lovely beta, TessaStarDean, who really helped sort this one out. All mistakes are still my own.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. I wouldn't know how to begin something like that.**

**--**

By the time the week was over, Danny wasn't sure he could even see straight. He had pulled three doubles in the last seven days, and eleven for the whole month. He was exhausted. Mac had given him the next 36 hours off the clock and off call. The only thing he could even think about was taking a quick shower and going to bed for about 12 hours.

As he walked through the kitchen, he hit play on his answering machine and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge. His mom called, telling him he needed to come home for dinner soon. His bank called saying there had been unusually high spending on his credit card, which they always did when he bought something for his bike. And Kerry called. That seemed odd. She usually called his cell phone if she needed something because she knew that was the best way to get a hold of him.

_Hey Dan, it's Kerry. I know you're at work. I just…um, I had a crappy day and I think I need to talk or something. Look, I know you've been busy at work, so don't call me back until you get some rest. Just call me back when you're free. I'll see ya later._

Danny put his water down. He played the message again, listening carefully as Kerry exhaled exhaustedly over the line. When it ended again, he looked at his watch. _11:03 pm._ He took two beers from his fridge and headed back out his door.

He knocked softly on Kerry's door, knowing Loren would be in bed already. When the door opened, Danny took a quick look over Kerry. She was in boxers and a loose t-shirt for bed, but by the look on her face, she wasn't going to sleep any time soon.

She had taken her makeup off but still had evidence of eyeliner around her eyes as though she didn't put effort into taking it completely off. Her eyes were also a little puffy and the smile she was giving him was forced.

Danny stepped forward with his arms open and pulled Kerry into a warm embrace. She loosely wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. He didn't know how long they were standing in the hall that way but he finally felt her pick her head up and step back a little.

"Thanks. I needed that."

"I thought you might have." He held up the beers he carried over with him. "Still need to talk?"

She stepped back in the door and gestured for him to enter.

They settled on the couch and Danny handed her a beer. They sat silently as they drank but Danny kept looking at Kerry every few minutes to see if she was ready to speak. When they were nearly half through their drinks, Danny turned and scratched his head. "I, um, I don't want to rush you…."

She gestured at the brown bottle in her hand. "I'm just gonna finish this first. Might help."

He nodded his understanding and raised his own bottle to his lips again.

As Kerry put her empty bottle down on the table, she turned and sat with her legs crossed on the couch, facing Danny. When Danny looked at her and she was sure he was ready to listen, she took a deep breath. "My cancer came back." Danny raised his eyebrows in shock as Kerry exhaled sharply and continued. "I was in for my checkup last week and they found some evidence of possible cancerous tissue. I went back for a full work-up yesterday and the doctor found several tumors in my lungs."

"Oh my god, Ker. You should have come to me last week; you shouldn't have been worrying about that alone." He sat forward and hugged her, cradling the back of her head and stroking her hair. "If you ever need to vent, or cry, or talk about anything, I'm here. And I'm sure your parents are going to do whatever they can too." He took her hand and looked into her eyes. "Anything you and Loren ever need, anything at all…."

Kerry nodded and wiped at a tear that strayed down her cheek. "Thanks." She took a minute to calm herself again before she tried speaking more. "I knew that the mastectomy wasn't a guarantee. But, I don't know. I just didn't want to put my life on hold for cancer. I don't know if I can do this again. The first time was a little easier because I had just had Loren and my parents were helping out with her a lot. But now, I can't keep passing her off to them. I know it's getting harder."

"So let me help."

Kerry frowned and shook her head. "Danny, you do too much already. I can't…"

"Yes you can," he interrupted. "I love you and Loren both so much. You're a great mom and I know being a single mom can't be easy. So just let me help out. I'll baby sit, cook dinner, whatever it's gonna take for you to focus on getting better."

"Danny, this isn't going to be easy," she warned.

"Well, then it's a good thing I've got the energy that I have."

This made Kerry finally crack a real smile for the first time. "And to this day, I still don't know where it comes from, but I would love to bottle it up and sell it."

Danny returned the smile and hugged Kerry again. "That's my girl." He broke the embrace and sat back on the couch. "So can I trust you to go to bed if I leave?"

"I'll get there, I promise. I just need to watch TV for a while or something. Try to clear my head a little."

"Okay." He stood and picked up the beer bottles, throwing them in the kitchen garbage before heading for the door. "I'm off tomorrow, so call me when you get up and we'll all go do something."

"'Kay. Thanks, Danny."

"Night Ker."

"Night Dan."

Danny closed the door and headed back to his apartment. As he stepped into the shower, he let the cool water wash away the tears that had just started to run down his face. He thought about how strong his friend was for dealing with something so hard, and for the second time. And he thought about how he wasn't going to let her out of his life.

**--**

**Tell me what you think. Honesty doesn't hurt my feelings; a lack of feedback does.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews once again. They are fantastic! Thanks to my beta who really helped sort out this part of the story. Mistakes are all my own.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize. The very attractive CSI is still property of CBS. Damn.**

**--**

Danny offered to keep an eye on Loren a few days later when she went back to the oncologist to discuss treatment options and prognosis. He kept a bright smile on his face while they played, but his mind was constantly on Kerry, who was sitting with her mother in a cold consultation room.

"Danny?" Loren tilted her head to the side and tapped his shoulder.

He realized he was spacing out again when he felt the tiny hand on his shoulder. "Hey kiddo. Sorry, I'm thinking real hard today. I guess it makes me forget how to play Candy Land, huh?"

"What are you thinking about?" She sat back down across from him and crossed her legs.

"I'm thinking about your ma. She's a cool lady, ya know that, right?"

The little girl nodded her head and smiled. "She's the coolest mommy ever."

"You be sure to tell her that when she gets home today." He smiled and went back to the game in front of him.

----------

By the time Kerry opened the door to her apartment, it was after noon. She had spent over two hours with the doctor and just wanted to get home and see her baby. When she did, she stopped short and smiled.

Stretched out on her couch, Danny had his feet propped up on one armrest, and Loren curled up on his chest. Loren's little blanket was laid over her and Danny was rubbing her back through the worn material. His eyes were closed and Kerry wasn't sure if he was even awake until she closed the door behind her, causing him to slowly open one eye.

"Hey," She smiled down at him and whispered. "Who wore who out first?"

"Oh, she definitely has me beat. We're just re-energizing."

Kerry leaned over and kissed Loren on the top of her head and stroked her hair back. "How long has she been asleep?"

"Not long. Only about fifteen minutes. I just wanted to make sure she was really asleep before I moved her."

"Here, I'll go put her in bed." Kerry carefully lifted the little girl and cradled her to her body. While Kerry left to tuck her in, Danny sat up and put his glasses back on. He took one of the pamphlets from the stack on the table where Kerry set her purse down. As he flipped through the information about radiation and chemotherapy, Kerry walked back into the room and sat next to him.

"You got a lot of treatment information today."

Kerry reached to the stack of papers and pamphlets on the table and pulled a page out that Danny hadn't seen yet. "I think I decided on this one." She handed the paper to him and studied his face as he read over the paper.

"Hospice care?"

"The cancer is already a stage four."

"All the more reason to look into getting treated sooner."

"For what, a few extra months?" She shrugged. "I'd be in a hospital bed, bald, sick, on morphine. I just don't want it to be that way. I'd rather spend time being as healthy as possible for as long as possible."

Taking her hand in his, Danny hung his head forward. When he sniffled, Kerry could see the tears falling from his eyes, but he was silent. Kerry leaned her head over on his shoulder and closed her eyes. She adjusted her hand in his so their fingers were laced together, and she tightened her grip. She felt Danny sigh beneath her before he spoke a few minutes later.

"How do you feel?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I'm dying. I think I should be feeling so many things, but I don't feel anything. I don't think it's hit me yet."

He raised his head up, not bothering to wipe his tears, and put his arm around her shoulders. "I'll be here. When it hits, I mean. Don't be afraid to call." He sighed. "I'll be right here."

"I know."

--

***Ducking for fear of random flying objects* Now that you've gotten that out of your system, tell me what you think...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and/or added. It still means the world to me. If you haven't figured it out by now, we're coming up on the meat of the story, which means I definitely want to know what you think about it. Thanks so much to my beta who helped me sort through all of this as it came together, but all mistakes are still mine and mine alone.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill...if I owned it, I'd be in a bigger apartment (or certainly a nicer one).**

**--**

"Ah, Stel, come on. I had the trash barrels last time."

"You had _empty _trash barrels last time. Totally different, Danny." She held up a blue jumpsuit. "You know you're gonna do it," she goaded, "For me?"

He opened his mouth to argue but his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and waved it. "Saved by the bell." He quickly hit answer and held it to his ear. "Messer."

Stella stood with the jumpsuit in her hand, arms folded in front of her chest as she waited for Danny.

"Kerry, honey, where are you?"

Seeing the worry on Danny's face and hearing the alarm in his voice caused Stella to stiffen. She knew how important Kerry was to him and now something was obviously wrong.

"Okay, just take a deep breath Ker. I'm gonna be there in a few minutes." He stuffed his phone back into his pocket and quickly started packing his kit back into the back of the department vehicle he and Stella had taken to the scene. "Stella, I gotta go. I'll call Mac and explain later."

As he rushed off down the sidewalk, she chased after him. "Wait, Danny. Is she okay?"

"No. Look, I can't talk. I gotta get over there." He continued rushing off again when he felt Stella grab his arm. "Stella, please. I'm sorry but I really have to go."

Stella reached into her pocket and took out the keys to the car. "I'll get one of the guys to take me back."

He looked at the keys being thrust into his hand. "Thank you." He ran back to the car and jumped into the driver's seat. He took off down the street before Stella even had a chance to tell him to be careful.

----------

Danny took the stairs two at a time up to Kerry's apartment. He let himself in when he got there and immediately found her how he imagined she would be: sitting on the kitchen floor, leaning against the counter with her head in her hands. He sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Kerry, talk to me."

Kerry sniffed and looked up at the counter, which still had full grocery bags collected on it. "I was putting away the groceries and I took this out of the bag." She pulled a small box of animal crackers from her lap. "I always get these for Loren. They're her size and she likes that they have a little handle for her to carry them with. Every week she gets so excited when we go shopping because she gets her little box of cookies. And I realized, when I'm gone, I won't be the one to make her so excited with such a small gesture. Or she may not even get them every week. I don't know. I just don't want her to be without the things she likes." She began to cry and clutched the small box of cookies.

Danny rubbed her shoulders as he held her. "Ker, it's okay. Loren's gonna be okay. And I'm sure your parents will get her whatever she wants and needs. They take good care of her."

Kerry shook her head. "I don't think I can leave her with them. They're getting older. A toddler is going to be a lot to take on all at once. I know they care about her, but I can't do that to them. I want them to be able to enjoy the time they have with her without worrying so much."

"Kerry, I know you care about your parents and your little girl, but if she doesn't stay with your folks, where would she go?"

"I, um," she pulled herself from Danny's arms and faced him, taking his hand and looking him in the eye. "I want you to adopt her."

"Kerry, come on," Danny tried cutting her off.

"I know we haven't even known each other for a year, but that's the only good reason I could come up with for not asking you." She rushed.

Danny sat back a little and reached for Kerry's hand, trying to gesture for her to stand. He really didn't think she should be having this conversation at this particular moment.

Kerry ignored Danny's cues and continued rambling. "You're my best friend. You love Loren so much and I know you would take care of her. You have plenty of family and friends to help you and there's no one in the world I can think of who would be a better father figure in her life. I just don't want to die without knowing she's loved and safe."

"What do I know about raising a kid?" Danny pressed. "Much less a little girl?"

"I didn't know a damn thing about being a parent until I got pregnant. You just learn as you go."

Danny felt like he was falling down a steep hill. He felt blind-sided, but just kept arguing anyway. "Kerry, I can't be a single dad. I wouldn't even know where to start."

Kerry sighed. "You love her. That's where you start. I didn't have much when I got pregnant. But my parents and my friends gave me the support I needed to get through the worst times. And now we're doing just fine." She put her head down in her hands and sighed heavily. After a moment, she raised her head back up and pushed her hair back out of her face. "Look, I know this is big. Bigger than big. But I'm obviously running out of time. I know this is a major thing to ask and I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't very sure. I just want you to think about it."

"Okay. Maybe in the meantime, we put the groceries away before the milk spoils?"

Kerry attempted to smile at his distraction and stood, putting the box of animal crackers in front of Loren's chair.

----------

"Hey, Danny. How's Kerry? Everything okay?" Stella asked as Danny walked into the lab the next day.

He looked around and put his hand on her arm. "Could we talk for a minute?"

"Sure." They sat at the table and Stella gave Danny her full attention.

"The reason I ran out yesterday is because Kerry had an emotional breakdown. She, uh, she has terminal cancer." Stella's jaw dropped a little and her body stiffened. "She had breast cancer a few years ago. They thought they got it all when they did surgery, but now it's back and it's in her lungs. She's got less than six months and yesterday it finally hit her."

Stella put her hand on Danny's over the table. "Oh my god, Danny. How is she now?"

"Physically, she's doing pretty good. Emotionally, she's been better. We talked for a little while last night and I think she felt a little better afterward. But she's going through a lot and it's still kinda hard for her." He stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts. "She's well enough that she's accepted it. She's decided that she doesn't want treatment. Quality of life over quantity. But I don't think she's going to be okay with leaving her daughter. That's why she got upset yesterday."

"I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. She's a strong woman."

"Yeah. I just don't know what else I can do for her."

"You're being her friend. That's the most you can do for her right now." Stella smiled just a little and stroked Danny's hand. "And if you ever need a friend, I'm here too."

Danny stood from his chair and wrapped his arms around Stella. "Thanks, Stell." After they broke apart, Danny sat back in his chair again. "Would you like to grab dinner tonight? I think I could use a friend."

"Of course."

**--**

**Okay, you know I want to hear what you have to say, don't make me beg.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks for the R&Rs. It always makes me do this :) Thanks once again to my lovely beta who helped make this work like it does. All mistakes are still mine.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would not be having a heart attack right now over the preview that aired for next week....... :(**

**--**

"Earth to Danny." Lindsay tossed a ball across the desk, bouncing on Danny's papers, effectively causing him to jolt upward.

"Whoa." He looked at Lindsay who gave him a questioning look across their work areas. "Sorry. I'm not here today."

"You wanna talk?"

"It's nothing really. Loren's got a cold. Poor kid was miserable and couldn't sleep last night."

"Aww. That's awful. Did you make her the famous Messer family chicken soup?"

He grinned a little. "I'm gonna do that when I go over there tonight."

"It'll fix her right up," Lindsay smiled. "Hey, you sure have been spending a lot of time over there the last couple weeks."

"I thought we established that I don't have a thing for my neighbor."

"I know, I know. But you just spend a lot of time with them. More than you do with Flack. And you talk about that little girl constantly."  
"They mean a lot to me. Don't know what I would do without them…" He let his thought trail off as he put his head down and pretended to get back to his work.

Lindsay got up and pulled up a chair next to him. "Danny." She rested her hand on his arm, which made him jump a little, then he relaxed and looked at her. "Stella told me about Kerry." Danny nodded, afraid that if he spoke just yet, he might lose it. "I can't imagine what you're going through." Danny blinked hard and nodded again. Lindsay pulled Danny to her for a quick hug, then smiled a little as they pulled apart. "She also told me about what Kerry asked you."

Danny sniffled once and chuckled. "Stella's got a big mouth."

Lindsay laughed and rested her hand on Danny's arm. "She said you needed support because you were having a hard time making a decision."

"Big decision," Danny said flatly.

"Stella said from the way you were talking, you already had your mind made up?" She cocked an eyebrow at him.

Danny put his forehead down on his desk and closed his eyes tight. "I just don't want to make the wrong decision and end up kicking myself for the rest of my life. I don't want to screw this up."

"You'll do what's right. You know what you have to do."

----------

Danny went home that night and made the chicken soup his mother used to make for him when he was little. He put it into several small dishes and carried them down the hall and into his neighbor's apartment.

Kerry and Loren were asleep in an oversized chair together when he walked in, so he took the soup to the refrigerator before walking softly back into the living room

Carefully extricating the little girl from her mother, Danny hugged her to his chest and carried her to her bed. As he was tucking her in, he heard footsteps behind him. He looked to see Kerry watching the careful manner that Danny kept with the child, before turning the light off and pulling the door closed a little.

They walked back to the living room and Danny sat Kerry down next to him on the couch. He took a deep breath nodded to her. "My answer is yes."

Kerry immediately began to cry and threw her arms around Danny.

As he held her, tears fell from Danny's eyes too. "I promise I'm going to take care of her like she was my own little girl. I'll never let anything happen to her, Ker. I swear."

"Just love her, Danny. I want her to be loved."

"I already do." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. "Kinda hard not to when she looks up at ya with those big brown eyes the way she does."

Kerry nodded and laughed as she tried to wipe away the tear trails on her cheeks. "She's my little heart breaker." She put on a serious face as she spoke again. "Promise me one more thing?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Don't let her date until she's thirty."

At that they both started laughing, tears still falling from their eyes.

----------

Danny sat on the couch with a can of soda in his hand a while later. Kerry had poured a glass of wine and stretched out, resting her feet in Danny's lap. They talked about Loren a lot. Some things Danny already knew, like the way she liked her sandwiches cut, and others that he didn't, like the way she always had to have matching barrettes or elastics in her hair.

"It's surreal, you know," Kerry said after sitting silently for a moment. "I know I'm dying, but I don't feel like I should be dying. I don't feel sick yet, Loren is just a baby, I'm still young…it's just the opposite of what I think of when I think of how people die."

"Have you talked to the therapist that the hospice company offered yet?"

"No. I couldn't think about doing anything until I had things settled with Loren. I'll call her tomorrow. I really do want to talk to her."

"Good."

"We'll also need to go to my lawyer's office this week to sign the adoption papers. She said the sooner we do it the better. Otherwise, you may be in a mess later."

"You already had the papers drawn up?"

"I had two copies started: one for you and one for my folks. I didn't really know who else I would have trusted. I figured that if you said no, my parents would have been able to handle her until she was old enough to take care of herself. But I really didn't want to do that to them if I didn't have to."

"They'll still be part of her life, no matter what."

"I know. I know you'll do great."

"What are you gonna tell Loren?"

Kerry sighed heavily. She had thought about it dozens of times since she found out but still had no clue where to start. "I have no clue. I think that's something I want to ask the therapist. I mean, she's my kid, and I know how she thinks. But I don't know how to tell my little girl that Mommy's gonna die before she's five years old. She doesn't know what death is."

Danny rested his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. "We'll get her through this."

They sat silently again for several moments. Suddenly, Kerry spoke, her tone a little different, almost hopeful. "I'm leaving everything to you and Lor. My parents and I already agreed that's what I should do." Danny opened his eyes and tilted his head slightly toward her as she spoke. "We both have two-bedroom apartments, so it doesn't matter where you guys decide to live, or even if you want to move. And I've got money saved." Danny opened his mouth to object but Kerry put a finger up to silence him. "My parents don't need it. I don't have a college fund started for Loren yet. I want you to put half the money into a savings account for her to get to when she's ready to start college. The rest is for you and Loren to live on while you get settled; you know, pre-school and kindergarten, daycares. Whatever extra things you'll have to get used to expense-wise, there should be enough there for a while."

"You should leave all of it to Loren."

"No, you'll need it, believe me. And I know you'll make sure she has whatever she needs."

"Everything under the sun."

**--**

**Don't make me beg...I'll do it, but I won't like it.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Long night at work, sorry this is getting out late tonight. And sorry if anyone stayed up past their bedtime waiting. Thanks for reading and reviewing, and thanks to my wonderful beta, she's still the greatest, but the mistakes are all my own.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.**

**--**

"Hi, this is Danny Messer. I'm calling on behalf of Kerry Motalzo. Is Nurse Lydia Sanchez available? Thanks." He paced the room with the phone so close to his ear it was leaving marks. "Hi, Lydia. It's Danny Messer. I was wondering if you could come by and see Kerry. She's having a hard time breathing again and she's in a bit of pain. Okay, thank you." He stuck his phone in his pocket and sat on the edge of the bed where Kerry was resting. He smoothed her hair back out of her face and checked the gauge on her oxygen tank. "Lydia's gonna see about getting you something to help you relax a bit."

Kerry nodded and took the canula off her face. She pulled her hair back in a loose ponytail, rubbed her face a bit, and put the oxygen back on, resting back on her pillows. Danny sat in the chair next to the bed and put his feet up next to hers. As they watched TV in silence, Loren walked in the room with a large cardboard puzzle. She stopped in front of Danny with it and pointed to her mother. Danny lifted her up onto the bed and she settled in next to Kerry, putting the pieces out in front of them to work on together, without a word.

Lydia let herself into the apartment half an hour later carrying her treatment bag on one shoulder, an oxygen tank on the other, and a pharmacy bag in her hand. She walked back to the bedroom and sat on the end of the bed. Loren crawled over and hugged the woman as she sat down. "Are you gonna play with me today?"

Lydia patted the child's arm and smiled. "I'm gonna play tomorrow, okay. Today, I came by to see how your mommy is." She looked up at Kerry and offered a smile. "How you holding up?"

Nodding with her response, Kerry pushed herself up in bed a little. "My chest feels pretty tight today. Like I can't catch my breath. I think that's why I'm in pain, because I've been struggling to breathe all morning."

As Lydia made a move for the oxygen tank, Danny swung his feet around out of the way.

"Well, I can turn this up for you. That should help." She looked this time at Danny. "I brought an extra tank. It's sitting by the door." Danny nodded. "Your doctor ordered you a new pain medication which should help with the discomfort. But if it doesn't, don't hesitate to call; we can change the dose or the drug."

"Thanks."

"Is there anything else you needed?"

"No. Thanks so much for coming."

"Any time, Kerry." She started to back out of the room. "I'll see you guys tomorrow morning."

----------

Lydia walked in the door quietly at 7 am. Danny was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. When he saw Lydia, he greeted her, and stood to pour her a cup of coffee as well.

"How is she this morning?"

Danny returned the coffee pot to the warmer and turned around to hand Lydia the cup. "She's breathing hard. She didn't seem to be in any pain though, so I didn't wake her."

"Did you get any sleep yourself?" Lydia noticed the dark circles that had formed under Danny's eyes. She knew that caring for someone who was dying was exhausting and that he was working hard to try to take care of Kerry and Loren, which meant he was barely taking care of himself.

"I slept for a while."

"When was the last time you slept a full night in your own bed?"

Danny sighed. "I honestly can't remember." He shrugged. "I usually just shower after work then come here. I just need to be with them, ya know." Lydia nodded. "I fall asleep in the recliner with Loren sometimes when she can't sleep. Or laying next to Kerry when she wakes up and doesn't want to go back to sleep."

"Why don't you let one of our girls stay here tonight so you can sleep." As Danny started to shake his head, Lydia protested also. "You're right down the hall. We can come get you if she needs you. But I think you'd do more good if you just slept for a night."

"Yeah, alright."

Lydia smiled and took a drink of her coffee. "What time do you have to be at work?"

"Eight. Mac has been trying to keep my hours pretty consistent since all this started. He knows I need time with Kerry and Loren. And that I'll need more 'dad-like' hours once Loren moves in with me."

She nodded her agreement.

Danny looked at his watch and sighed. "I might as well get going. I've got a file that needs catching up on. Kerry's last dose of Roxanol was at two thirty this morning. Me and Loren made enough chicken last night to feed an army so there's plenty of leftovers in the fridge for you guys to have for lunch." He put his coffee cup in the dish washer and grabbed his coat from the back of the chair he had been sitting in. "Call me…"

"I'll call if we need you."

Danny nodded and smiled. It was the same routine every day. And the same discussions every morning. He walked out the door and headed for work.

----------

Danny sat at his desk with his coffee and his head ducked over a file. He hadn't yet started up his computer, knowing as soon as he did, he would receive a message from one department or another. He wanted to be alone for just a little while longer.

"Morning Danny."

Or not.

"Mornin' Mac." Danny rested his pen on his desk and swiveled his chair around.

"You're a little early this morning. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just catching up. The nurse gets to Kerry's place around seven so I really didn't have any excuse to hang around when I had work to do."

"Did Kerry kick you out?" he grinned a little, attempting to get a smile out of Danny.

"No, she was still asleep when I left this morning. Lydia usually kicks me out," he smiled, humoring Mac.

"Glad to see you're being kept in line." Mac walked further into the office and rested against the edge of the desk. "How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Danny?" His tone made it obvious that he didn't believe him.

"I'm alright Mac. I'm losing a great person in my life; that part really hurts. But, I have time to say goodbye. Not everybody gets that, ya know. Some people lose their loved ones in the blink of an eye and realize they forgot to say 'I love you' the last time they parted." He sighed. "That's something we have that not everyone gets. Time."

"How many times have you recited that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you believe what you just said, but it sounded like you've said it so much that it's just a line. I don't think it's what you really feel anymore."

Danny didn't respond verbally. He didn't have to. He had been working for Mac long enough to know that Mac knew what was usually going on with him. When he was upset, happy, sad, overjoyed, Mac could usually tell. And he knew he could trust Mac with anything. They had become family somewhere along the way. The same way Kerry and Loren had become family.  
"Danny," Mac started with a sigh, "it's okay to be angry. What's going on in your life right now would be hard for anyone. You met a fantastic woman, became friends with her, then found out you were going to lose her just as quickly. That would make anybody mad." Danny clasped his hands in front of him and looked down at the floor. "Have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling?"

"What, like a therapist?" He looked up at his boss and shook his head. "I don't need to talk to a shrink."

"You need to talk to someone. When the time comes, you'll have a little girl to take care of and it's going to be that much harder to get the time alone."

Danny smiled pathetically. "You wanna sit down for a while?"

Mac offered the same smile in return and pulled up a chair. "So how are you Danny?" Mac asked again as though he had just started the conversation.

"I could use a friend today Mac."

Mac crossed one ankle up on his knee and folded his hands in his lap.

As Mac was getting settled in his seat, Lindsay walked by. When she saw the men settled in her shared office talking, she continued walking past the door and into Stella's office. "Hey, mind if I crowd your space for a while?"

"Not at all," Stella smiled as she gestured to the chair on the other side of her desk. "What's up?"

Lindsay tucked her purse under the edge of the desk and took one of the files from Stella's pile, working with her as they talked. "Mac was in our office when I walked by." Stella looked up from her own paperwork and raised her eyebrows. "He and Danny looked like they were having a pretty serious talk. Danny really needs to talk to someone, so I wasn't going to interrupt whatever he was getting out of his system."

"Yeah, he hasn't really talked to anyone about what's going on with him. This has all been about Kerry and her family. But the truth is, this is about him too."

"Hopefully he'll find what he needs in Mac."

**--**

**Feedback would be really awesome. It might just make my hellish day be forgotten.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks to those who read and reviewed; that's special to me! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta who helped me greatly....all mistakes are still mine though.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. Kerry, Loren, and Lydia are mine.**

**--**

Danny paced around the dark living room softly with his head down. He held the phone to his ear and waited.

"Hello?" Lydia answered tiredly.

"Lydia, it's Danny. I'm sorry to wake you up."

"It's okay Danny." Danny could hear her moving around on the other end of the line, getting out of bed. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Thanks Lydia."

He put the phone down on the coffee table and walked back into the dim bedroom. He sat in the chair at the end of the bed and turned it so he could see both the bed and out into the hall. A few minutes later, he heard the front door open and close quietly and saw Lydia walking toward him.

She was wearing jeans and a sweater, which was a little odd for Danny to see, as he was used to seeing her almost exclusively in her scrubs. She set her bag down in the hall and carried her stethoscope in her hand at her side.

Danny stood when she walked in the room, accepting the embrace she offered. He then stepped aside and watched as she approached the bed.

Lydia placed the stethoscope over Kerry's chest and listened for a full minute before standing straight again. She looked at her watch and silently announced the early hour. "Time of death: three twenty-seven am."

Danny nodded and leaned back against the wall. Kerry noted the time on a paper she brought with her and tucked it back into her bag with her stethoscope.

"Do you want me to talk to Loren?"

"No," Danny wiped his face with the back of one hand. "I'll talk to her when she wakes up."

"Okay." She pulled her phone from her pocket and pointed toward the living room. "I'm gonna go make a couple calls."

"Yeah. I'm gonna call her parents."

They quickly and quietly took care of their business and waited for the mortuary attendant to arrive.

"Hey, listen," Danny spoke to the man as he walked in with the gurney, "her little girl is still asleep in the next room. Do me a favor and try not to wake her, okay?"

"Of course, sir."

When the bedroom was empty again, Danny sat on the end of the bed. He looked at the oxygen tank next to the bed. He couldn't remember taking the mask off of Kerry's face, but he remembered the last time he heard the regulator click, indicating that she had taken a shallow breath. He stood and pulled the covers back up on the bed and straightened them. He then went to the living room and sat with Lydia on the couch.

"Her parents are going to come later to check up on us. All the arrangements were made with the funeral home earlier this week, so we don't have to go back over there."

"Good. How are you holding up?"

Danny took a deep breath. "I don't know. I knew it was going to happen but…. I don't know. It's pretty hard. For the last week, when she couldn't talk or laugh, I was missing her already." After a moment he sighed and smiled just a little. "Loren's got her laugh. She's so much like her mom."

"She is. She's a great little girl." Lydia put her hand on Danny's. "You'll do great. Kerry wouldn't have trusted you with her otherwise."

Danny spoke softly as if just realizing the information. "I've gotta be a father to this little girl. I don't know how to be a father."

"You have to be the same person you've been to her since you met her. That's all she's expecting of you. Just Danny."

Danny wiped a tear from his cheek and nodded. He looked at his watch and dropped his hand in his lap. "I should let you get back to bed. You've gotta work."

"This is what I do, Danny."

"I know. But I'll be okay. You need some sleep and I think I'm gonna rest a while before Loren wakes up."

She stood and waited for him to follow suit, knowing he would see her to the door. She hugged him again at the door and reminded him to call if he needed anything. He nodded and locked the door behind her as she left.

Taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes, he made his way back to the couch and laid down.

----------

As the sun peeked through the window in the living room, Danny turned over and rubbed his eyes. He sighed when he realized he had actually slept, which he didn't expect, but was relieved with the few hours of rest. He felt around on the table for his glasses and sat up when he could see properly. He walked softly to Loren's room and opened the door. She wasn't awake yet but he knew that she would be stirring very soon and he wanted to be there when she did. He sat in the rocking chair in the corner of her room and watched her sleep for 20 minutes before she started moving under her blankets.

When she sat up, she smiled at Danny sitting in the rocking chair. She had become used to seeing him there in the mornings. Since Kerry had gotten sick, he was almost always there and he frequently waited to greet her in the mornings. She skipped over to him and jumped up into his lap.

He kissed her on the top of her head and set her back down in the floor on her feet. "Hey baby, why don't you go to the bathroom real quick then come back in here with me, okay?"

Loren nodded and scurried off in the direction of the hall bathroom. She returned a few minutes later and jumped back into his lap.

"Loren, I have to talk to you about something very important okay." Loren nodded her head. "Do you remember how me and your mommy talked to you about the angels?"

Loren nodded again excitedly. "They're very pretty."

"That's right, they are. Do you remember how we said that someday everybody turns into an angel and they all go to live together in heaven?" Loren smiled. "Well, last night, your mommy went to heaven to be with the angels. She was very sick and she needed the other angels to take care of her. But now she's very happy and she feels much better."

Loren frowned now. "How come we can't take care of mommy?"

A tear fell from Danny's eye but he didn't wipe it away. "She was just too sick for us to take care of her. Angels are better at taking care of her now."

"Why are you crying Danny?"

"Because I'm a little sad. It's hard knowing I'm not going to see her again. She was special to me."

"Mommy told me she would always be in here when I needed her." Loren brought her tiny hand up and put it on Danny's chest.

Danny smiled through his tears and nodded. "Ya know what, she told me that too."

"Danny, will I ever see Mommy again?" Tears began forming in the little girl's eyes and there was a hint of fear in her voice.

"She won't be here with us, but you'll see her other ways. You can see her in your dreams at night, and we have all the pictures and movies we made to keep her in our memory."

Loren nodded. She didn't have to say anything for Danny to understand her.

They both knew it would be a long process and they would have to be strong for each other along the way.

Danny wiped his face quickly with the back of his hand. He patted her on the leg and put on a smile. "So, what would you like to do today?"

"The swings," she said simply.

He laughed. Loren loved going to the playground. And if that's what she wanted to do today, well, that's what they were going to do.

Kerry's parents were making sure the last few funeral arrangements were made and making phone calls. They decided that Loren should spend the day with Danny since it would make for an easier transition. They were going to take her the day before the funeral so Danny could move her bedroom and personal things into her new room quickly. After the funeral, he would deal with everything else.

**--**

**Feedback would be great right about now...**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you for the R&Rs. They're great! And thanks to my lovely beta, she's great too! But all mistakes are mine.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

**--**

"Danny, Danny, Danny!" Loren ran and jumped up on the bed, and onto a sleeping Danny. She crawled around over him until she sat next to him, then pulled the sheet down. "Danny, wake up. We can't be late for the party."

Danny turned over and opened his eyes. The glowing display on his alarm clock confirmed what he already knew…it was early, 5:45-on-his-day-off-early.

"Loren, do you know what time it is?" Danny grumbled.

"Nope," she punctuated with a quick shake of her head.

"Honey, it's very early."

"Well, we can't be late for the party," she said again.

He sat up and pulled Loren to him suddenly, causing her to squeal. "What if the tickle monster gets you?" He began tickling her sides, causing giggles and uncontrolled laughter to explode from the room. "How will you ever make it to the party if the tickle monster has captured you, huh?"

"Oh no!" Loren was laughing and wiggling in Danny's arms, trying to free herself from his quick fingers.

"What do you say?"

After working to take a breath between giggles, Loren squealed. "Uncle!"

He stopped immediately and sighed down at her as she sprawled lifelessly in his lap. "Took ya long enough."

Loren caught her breath and stood in the bed next to him. "Is it time for the party?"

Danny laughed and swung his legs out of the bed. "No. We've got lots of time before the party." He reached forward and scooped her into his arms. "How about we have some breakfast?"

"Yeah."

"What would the birthday girl like for breakfast?"

"Pancakes."

"Pancakes? With chocolate chips?"

Loren's eyes lit up as she nodded excitedly.

"But only because it's your birthday."

"Okay."

Danny set Loren on the floor and she ran toward the kitchen.

They set to work on making chocolate chip pancakes, which Danny topped with strawberries arranged in the shape of a smile.

By the time they were done eating and cleaning the kitchen, which Danny was glad Loren enjoyed helping with, it was getting close to 7 o'clock. Danny helped Loren get dressed into the outfit she picked out, then asked her to play in her room while he showered and got dressed.

----------

By noon, there were dozens of people gathered at the park. Danny had invited all of Loren's daycare class and all of the young children of his friends and co-workers, as well as any adults brave enough to help chaperone. The children were all running around on the playground while the adults watched the excitement.

"Danny Messer putting together a five-year-old girl's birthday party." Danny whipped his head around at the sound of Stella's voice. "Who would have ever thought we'd see that?" She handed him a slice of pizza and put an arm over his shoulder.

"Believe me," he chuckled, "if you asked me two years ago, I would have said you were crazy." He sighed and looked over at Loren laughing with one of her friends. "But now, I don't know. It just seems right. Certainly not easy, but right."

"I know what you mean. That little girl has really taken to you so well."

"Yeah. I wish Kerry could see how great she's been." Danny didn't frown or tear up when he said it. Instead, he smiled.

"I'm sure she had a feeling it would work out."

Before Danny had a chance to respond, he felt little arms wrapping around his leg. He looked down to see Loren holding on to him, looking up and smiling. "Danny, can I go on the monkey bars?"

He set his pizza on the table in front of him and reached down and scooped her up under her arms and tossed her up above his head, cradling her in his arm when she came down. "That depends. Are you a monkey?"

"Ooh ooh, aah aah." Loren giggled.

"Okay, then to the monkey bars we go." He swung her around and rested her on his arms so she flew around like an airplane.

When they got to the monkey bars, Danny held Loren up by her waist as she moved her arms to pull herself across. When she made it to the other side, Danny set her on the resting platform and waved his arms out in a triumphant manner. Loren jumped up and down and waved her hands around in the air.

"Wanna go again?"

"Yeah," Loren squealed.

They did the monkey bars until Loren was too tired to cross them anymore. Then she ran off to join some of her friends on the swings.

Danny went back to where the adults were standing and picked his pizza back up.

"I still can't believe you're not her father," one of the daycare dads, Rick, said. "I mean, she doesn't look like you, but she's got your personality and she just seems to love you so much."

"Oh they're family," Stella chimed in. "It was fate that these two would end up together."

"Yeah, I don't know what it is, but I just feel like this is how it was supposed to be." Danny smiled, looking at Loren again.

----------

By the time Danny cleaned up the mess at the park and made sure all of the children had left with the proper guardians, it was late in the afternoon. He was tired, and he was sure Loren was even more tired. After loading all of the gifts into the back of the car, Danny buckled Loren into her booster seat.

As they drove home, Danny saw Loren drift off to sleep in the back seat. He turned the radio down and drove slowly through the city. When he pulled into the parking garage of their apartment, he shut the engine off and looked back at Loren in the back seat. She had her head leaned over to the right side, supported on a teddy bear that she had gotten as a gift. There was a small red-ish pizza sauce stain on the sleeve of her shirt. He was going to have to remind her again that her sleeve was not a napkin, even when they had pizza in the park.

He got out of the car and unbuckled her from her seat. She rested her head on his shoulder, still asleep, as he closed the door.

The gifts were left in the trunk for the time being as Danny carried Loren up stairs and to her bed.

After getting her settled, Danny went to his own room and flopped back on his bed. He kicked his sneakers off with his toes and rolled over on his stomach, not bothering to even cover up.

----------

When he woke a while later, Danny felt refreshed. He pushed himself onto his back and stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes. When he finally felt awake enough to sit up, he looked at the clock on the night stand. _5:30 pm_

He sat up and rubbed his hands over his face. As he looked in the refrigerator for something to make for supper, he heard Loren come out of her room.

"Hey Lor, did you have a good nap?" She smiled and rubbed her eyes with her tiny fists. "Me too." He turned back to the fridge. "So what are we gonna have for supper?"

"Tacos," she answered immediately.

"The birthday girl wants tacos. Let's see here." He started pulling things from the fridge and setting them on the counter.

While they cooked, they talked about Loren's birthday and all the things she did with her friends at the park. Sure, conversation with a five-year-old wasn't always the most fun for a grown man, but he loved listening to her as she described how exciting everything was. He loved that she was so happy about everything.

After dinner, he gave her a bath and helped her change into her pajamas. He told her to get into bed and that he would be right back to tuck her in.

Danny walked into his room and opened the drawer of the nightstand. He just looked down into it for a moment before finally reaching in and taking what he was after. He headed back toward Loren's room with the box behind his back.

"Loren," Danny started as he sat on the bed, "there's one more present for you to open before your special day is over."

Loren's eyes went wide and she sat patiently with her hands in her lap.

"Your mom picked this one out before she went to go live with the angels. And she told me to give it to you today because you're a very big girl now." He held the slender box out in front of him and Loren took it. She opened it and carefully touched the sparkling trinket inside. "Your mom wanted you to have this because it was very special to both of you. Do you remember that?"

Loren nodded her head and took the necklace from the box. She handed it to Danny silently, which he took as his cue to slip it around her neck and fasten it. Loren held the gold heart out away from her chest so she could see it as she was wearing it. "Mommy's locket."

"Yeah. She knew you would take good care of it for her."

"I will." She stood up in the bed next to Danny and wrapped her small arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you Danny."

"You're welcome baby. Happy birthday." He pulled the covers over her as she settled back down and turned out the light when he left the room.

**--**

**So, um, I like feedback, just in case you all haven't noticed... ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks to those who read and review. And thanks to my wonderful beta. You're all fantastic. **

**Disclaimer: Are we really gonna do this again...?**

**--**

"Mr. Messer, thank you so much for meeting with me," the petite blonde woman reached out to shake Danny's hand as he approached the seat next to the desk.

"Of course. And please, Mrs. Erickson, call me Danny."

"Only if you call me Maranda."

"Fair enough."

Danny took a seat in the chair next to the simple wood desk at the front of the brightly colored classroom. He took a quick look around at some of the artwork displayed. Scribbles with crayons and colored pencils adorned the pages decorating the walls. It reminded him of a larger version of his refrigerator.

"So on the phone, you said Loren was having some problems with the other kids, but you weren't very specific."

"Yes. Over the last few weeks, I've noticed that when the other children have conversations about their parents or talk about their families, Loren gets a little hateful or she shuts off all together. Now I know that the two of you have a very unique family life, and that can be very difficult, but I don't want that to keep her from making friends or cause her any problems. She's a very bright girl and I think she really wants to be involved, but just feels different."

"I um, I knew that things were going to be hard for her. We went to therapy for a while, but it wasn't helping. I know the therapists are the ones with the training, but she's still my girl. I knew it wasn't helping so we stopped going. She talks to me as much as a girl her age can. I didn't know that it was bothering her like this though."

"Loren is very vocal. I think once she comes up with the right words to say, she'll tell you exactly what she's feeling." Maranda picked up a folder from her desk and offered it to Danny. "I know of some great family counselors who deal with tough situations like yours all the time. If you're interested, I think it might be a step in the right direction." Danny took the folder and set it in his lap. "I also think maybe you should bring the subject up for yourself. Just test the waters and see what she's thinking. Like you said, she's your girl. And I have no doubt of that in my mind. She responds to you better than anyone else."

"Yeah, okay." Danny rose and tucked the folder under his arm.

"Let me know if I can do anything else to help."

"I will. And thank you, Maranda." He shook her hand again and turned to leave the room.

"You're welcome, Danny."

----------

Danny picked up Loren from daycare later that afternoon after work and headed home. He cleaned out her backpack while she played in her room, just like he did every afternoon. Once the mess of paper projects and notes home to parents was sorted out, he set the backpack back by the door and started supper.

"Hey Loren," he called from the kitchen, "come give me a hand in here please."

Loren stopped what she was doing and ran into the kitchen. She waited for Danny to give her a boost up to the sink to wash her hands, then used the purple towel hanging from the oven door to dry them.

Danny set out lettuce and a bowl on the counter in front of Loren's stool. "Think you can make the salad?"

"Yeah," she nodded enthusiastically. Danny had shown her how to make a simple salad many times before, so he knew she could handle the task. She set to work tearing the large lettuce leaves into smaller bite-sized pieces. Sure, he knew he could have done it himself in a matter of seconds, but Loren liked to help and it gave him the perfect opportunity to talk to her.

"So Loren, do your friends from school help cook dinner at their homes?"

She shrugged as she continued her task. "I dunno."

"Do they help Mrs. Erickson make the treats at snack time?"

"Yeah. I do too."

"Yeah? Do you all ever talk about your favorite foods?"

"Uh huh," she nodded, still working meticulously at her task.

Danny knew that although many five-year-olds would claim that McDonald's or ice cream were probably the best foods in the world, he also knew that in their neighborhood, family heritage played a big role in the love of food. Being part Italian himself, he could remember vividly the first time his grandmother let him help make her secret recipe marinara sauce. Every time he recalled a great family memory, there was somehow great food involved, and he could proudly say that it was all homemade. Which was how he knew that many of Loren's friends would be in the same boat, even if they were still very young.

"Can you tell me about some of them?"

"Well, Sara likes chicken soup. She brings it in her lunch a lot. She let me try it once. It's kinda like yours."

_Homemade,_ Danny thought.

"And Chucky says his favorite food is ravioli."

"Do his parents make them with the little zig-zag cutters like we do?"

"I guess." She shrugged and turned away from him.

"Did you know that the stuffing in those little raviolis is as unique as the family that makes them?"

Loren stepped down off her stool and walked to her room. Danny realized he finally struck a chord, but also that he had a very upset little girl on his hands.

He turned off the burner that was on and wiped his hands.

When he got to Loren's door, he saw her sitting in the floor with a coloring book. He walked in and sat down next to her.

"Hey, you wanna talk?"

"No."

"Can I talk?"

She shrugged.

"I talked to Mrs. Erickson today. She said you've been upset lately. And that hurts me, Lor. I don't want you to be angry about this. I know you feel kinda different and left out, but you still…"

"I don't have a family." She cut him off.

That statement brought tears to Danny's eyes. He took the crayon from her hand and put it on the floor. He pulled her into his lap and held her close. "You have a family baby girl. You have grandparents who love you very much. And you have me. I love you more than anything in the whole world."

"What about my mommy and daddy?"

"Every family is different. Your mommy is watching over you from heaven. She'll always be right here when you need her." He gently put a finger on her chest over her heart. "And your daddy," he shrugged pathetically, "wasn't a good enough daddy. I know I'm not your real dad, but I'm gonna do everything in my power to be a good father for you, okay?"

The little girl looked up at him and smiled. "I think you're the best daddy ever." She put her arms around his neck and held him as tight as she could.

Danny smiled and hugged her back. "Thanks, Lor. That really means a lot to me."

"Danny," she pulled away to look him in the eyes, "can I call you my daddy from now on?"

He took a deep breath. "Is that what you want, Loren?"

She nodded, her face very serious. "You take care of me. Only a good daddy can do that."

Smiling at how smart she was, he could only nod for a moment. When his words returned to him, he took her little hand in his. "I'll be your daddy. And you'll be my little girl."

"Forever?"

"Forever," Danny promised.

When Loren let go of him, Danny smiled. "So what do you say we finish makin' dinner, huh?"

Loren jumped up out of his lap and ran down the hall, Danny quick on her heels.

--

**You know what makes me happy at the end of a chapter...**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thanks for the R&Rs. They make me smile. As does my beta. She rocks! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the characters...believe me, you'd know it.**

**--**

Loren stomped through the front door of their apartment and dropped her backpack. She slammed the door and locked it behind her.

"Hey, what did I say about the attitude?"

"To take it out on something more useful, like baseball," she chuckled, immediately feeling her bad mood being melted away by the sound of Danny's voice.

"That's right." Danny walked into the living room where Loren was stretching out on the couch. He tossed her a can of soda then sat in a chair across the room. "Wanna talk?"

"Not really."

"Do it anyway cause I can't afford to fix more banged up walls around here."

Loren chuckled again. "Mandy invited Olivia to her birthday party next weekend, even though she knows I don't like her."

Danny rolled his eyes. "Pardon me while I have a grown-up moment here but, it's her party. I think Mandy should be allowed to invite whoever she wants. Shouldn't matter what you think."

Loren sat up on the couch and steeled him with a glare, cocking one eyebrow. "You're right. Major grown-up moment. But Mandy said before she wasn't going to invite Olivia cause she doesn't even like her that much."

"Well, I have two suggestions for you. You go to the party and behave like the mature young lady I know you are. Or you sit here with me on a Friday night watching a ball game and a really lame movie. Those are your options." He grinned as he leaned back easily in his chair and took a drink of his soda.

"How is it parents make something fun like a party feel like a chore?"

"Parental gift."

"I think you have way too many of those." She grinned stood from the couch. She retrieved the green backpack she abandoned minutes before and headed toward her room with it.

"Homework?" Danny called out as she walked away.

"Yeah. Figured I might as well get it done. Not much tonight though."

"Gimme a yell when you're ready for supper."

----------

"Come on, come on, pick up," Loren said to the ringing cell phone as she paced her room.

_Hi, you've reached Stella Bonasera. Sorry I can't get to the ph…_

Loren violently pushed the 'end' button and scanned through her contact list in her cell phone. She dialed another number and waited impatiently as the phone rang.

"_Hello?"_

"Aunt Lindsay?" Loren nearly jumped to hear the voice on the other end.

"_Hey Loren, what's up?"_

"Are you busy?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

"_Never too busy for you."_ Sensing the slight panic in the young girl's voice, she kept an even tone to keep her calm. _"What's going on?"_

"Lindsay, I think I just started my period. What do I do?"

"_Did you tell Danny?"_

Loren gasped, shock coloring her voice. "Of course not. That would be _so_ embarrassing."

Lindsay tried to remember that at Loren's age, the situation might, in fact, seem more embarrassing than it would to an adult. _"Okay. Tell you what, I'll be there in a few minutes."_

"Thanks Lindsay."

They ended the call and Loren sat down at her desk, trying to focus on her homework again, but she knew she wouldn't be able to anymore.

----------

There was a knock at the front door as Danny started to search through the fridge for something for dinner. Whether Loren was ready or not, it was almost seven and they needed to eat something. He closed the fridge and opened the front door to find his partner standing there. She had a small shopping bag in one hand and a sheepish smile on her face.

"Montana, I thought I left you at work hours ago."

"You did. Loren called me."

Danny looked back over his shoulder toward Loren's room. "She's been in there since she got home from school doing homework. When did she call you?"

"A few minutes ago."

Danny stepped aside to let her in, then closed the door behind her. "I think I'm gonna take the cell phone from her if that's what it takes to make her come up for air while she's studying."

"Actually, it was a personal call, not a homework call."

Danny scrunched his face up in question.

"I'm gonna go talk to her. Why don't you work on supper and have a beer. Trust me on this one."

Before he could respond, she was already headed toward Loren's room. She knocked lightly and walked in.

Before she was even two steps through the door, Loren jumped up and threw her arms around her. "Lindsay, thank you so much."

"No problem." She handed Loren the bag that she brought with her. "I'll wait right here."

Loren returned to her room a few minutes later and sat on the bed with Lindsay. "What do I tell him?"

"You tell him that you need a little extra space under the bathroom sink and your monthly allowance raised. He oughta take the hint." They both laughed. "Just approach him the same way you did when you started buying bras and make up."

"Oh, I didn't do that. Stella did. Yeah, she walked up to him one day and announced that we were going on a shopping spree, she would return me in one piece, and he was not to ask about the events of the day or the purchases."

Lindsay grinned. That sounded like Stella. She had been very protective of Loren, trying to be a good female role model for her.

"Well, then we'll do this one together. I promise you'll be fine. Probably better than him."

They walked into the kitchen together, putting the center island between them and Danny for comfort. Lindsay stood behind Loren and rested her hands on her shoulders. "Hey Dan?"

Danny turned around from his cutting board and wiped his hands. "How's it going ladies?"

"Loren has something to tell you and very little commentary would be much appreciated."

Danny nodded, trusting Lindsay.

Loren took a deep breath and looked at Danny quickly before looking away. "I started my period."

Danny took only a moment to compose himself, he could freak out later. "Okay. Just let me know when you need extra spending money."

Loren nodded and looked up just enough to meet his eyes. She saw the same Danny she had known since she was little, trusting and caring. She smiled and shrugged, ending the conversation.

"So Montana, care to join us for supper?"

Loren looked over her shoulder at Lindsay and smiled hopefully. "I don't see why not."

They all finished cooking together and talked over dinner. Loren cleared the plates and declared she was going to read for a while before bed. She said goodnight and went to her room, closing the door behind her.

Danny and Lindsay headed to the couch and sat back in the silence.

Nearly five minutes later, Danny broke the silence. "She's only twelve."

"That's normal."

"She's my little girl."

Lindsay grinned. "That's normal too." She turned sideways and rested her arm on the back of the couch, propping her head in her hand. "She's growing up. You can't stop that."

"Time's flying by so fast. I swear it was just yesterday that I was putting her hair up in pigtails and cutting the crusts off her sandwiches. Seems like forever ago that…"

"Yeah, I know."

Danny dropped his head back on the couch, then raised it back up again suddenly. "I gotta have the talk with her now. Oh man…"

"Danny," Lindsay put a hand on his arm, "she's twelve, she's not dating, going to parties, or even kissing boys. You've got a little time to freak out about that one still. Besides, you raised her right. She knows better anyway."

"I still have to talk with her. She has to know…" He started talking quickly and panicked.

"Danny. Chill. You've both had enough excitement for today. Besides, Stella and I can help with that one. More of a woman to woman conversation."

"Right."

He rested his head back again. "Thanks for coming tonight. Don't know what I would have done."

"You would have called Stella or me. You would have been just fine."

"This is one of those days that I really miss Kerry a lot. I mean, I get that it was her time, and I'm glad that I decided to adopt Loren. But there are times when I still wonder what the hell I'm doing raising a little girl by myself."

"She loves you, you love her. That's all you need. And you still have all of us on speed dial. You know you can call any time."

"I know." He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Hey you should get home. You have to be at work in the morning."

"So do you."

"Yes, but I sleep on 'dad time'. Less staying up late means it's easier to get up early. You still insist on watching TV when you get home. So you need to get home so you can get in your hour before you sleep."

"We've been working together too long."

He stood and took her hand, gesturing for her to stand also. "Way too long. Now get home."

"Night Danny."

"Night Lindsay. Thanks again."

"Don't mention it."

She walked out the door and Danny locked it behind her. He then headed off to his room and turned on his TV.

--

**How about some feedback, just to make me :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks so much to those who read and reviewed. And thanks once again to TessaStarDean; you rock chica!**

**Disclaimer: You know what's mine and what isn't by now...on with the show.**

**--**

"So what else goes along with this new promotion of yours?" Loren asked as she opened the box on the floor.

"Well," Danny began, "we can afford to buy you that hi-def TV for your room if you still want it." Loren was about to squeal with delight, but Danny put a hand out to calm her. "But, there will be rules. Like homework first, TV is to be turned off by ten on school nights, all that jazz."

Loren nodded. "Got it."

"Good, cause it's supposed to be here this afternoon."

Loren jumped up and hugged Danny. "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you."

"You're welcome. Now let's finish unpacking in here so we can make some lunch."

Danny and Loren finished unpacking the boxes in the kitchen, then made quick work of assembling sandwiches. They carried their lunches outside and sat together on the bench swing that hung from the back porch.

They ate in silence as they stared out into the back yard. With the crisp 'pop' of Loren's soda can being opened, the silence was broken. She took a quick drink and set it back down at her feet. "The yard needs some work," she declared.  
"We'll work on it." Danny nodded. "So what do you think?"

"I like it."

"Me too."

"Feels like home," Loren smiled contently.

"That's what I thought."

----------

A week later, with everything completely unpacked and dozens of people hanging around, it really felt like a home. Danny and Loren threw a house warming party for all of their friends and family to see their new home.

Danny stood out in the back yard manning the grill with a beer in his hand while Stella stood at the patio table helping to dish up summer favorites onto paper plates.

There were children running around the back yard with water guns while parents kept a watchful eye out. There were groups of people sitting around talking and eating. There were people filtering in and out of the house and yard for hours.

"Hey Dad, think fast." Danny turned around at the sound of Loren's voice behind him, but not fast enough to dodge the water balloon that went hurtling in his direction and splattered square in the middle of his chest. "Bull's eye!" Loren pumped her fist into the air.

"Cute, Lor. Very mature," Danny laughed as he pulled his wet shirt away from his torso.

Loren took a quick bow, then ran off with a friend.

Danny laughed as he turned back to the grill. Flack clapped him on the back and handed him a fresh beer. "Thought you could use another cold one. Although it looks like Loren has that taken care of."

"There are some things she'll never get too old for. Fifteen years old and she still thinks water balloons are just as funny as when she was five." Danny slid a burger onto a bun on a plate and handed it to Flack. "Here, make sure Mac eats something, will ya?"

Flack nodded and turned in the direction of their colleague. He was sitting in the middle of a large group, obviously the entertainment at the moment. Children and adults alike were listening intently to whatever story he was telling. When Flack sat down next to him and handed him the burger, he waved it away, continuing the story. Flack persisted and pointed to Danny. From afar, Danny could tell that Flack was explaining that Danny sent the burger and wasn't going to take no for an answer. Mac quickly waved at Danny and accepted the burger, taking a bite before he continued with his story.

Danny laughed to himself and turned back to his grill. As he tossed a few more hot dogs on the hot grate, he felt an arm wrap around his side in a hug. "What's so funny?"

He pointed a thumb over his shoulder. Lindsay looked back at Mac and the crowd he had accumulated. "That's some big shoes to fill." He took a swig of his beer before returning his focus on the flaming charcoals.

"Yeah. But if anyone can do it, you can."

"Can you believe he's actually stepping down? I mean, the man's been working twenty-five hour days all his life. Now he's gonna work nine-to-five until retirement?"

She shrugged. "He had to start sometime. And we all know that if anyone can run the department the way he can, you're the man to do it."

"If you think flattery is gonna get you the next burger, you're gonna have to fight that out with Stella."

Lindsay laughed. "I'm serious Danny. Just look at what you've done for yourself, and for Loren. You've really done okay."

"Yeah Dad," came Loren's voice from behind. She slung her arm over his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. "We've done pretty good for ourselves. So stop worrying."

"Yeah, yeah. You been hangin' around her too long." Danny pointed to Lindsay and laughed. Then he looked back to Loren. "You hungry?"

"Always."

When he handed her a plate with a hot dog, she frowned. He scooped up a second hot dog from the grill and dropped it onto her plate, which turned her frown into a smile. "Thank you."

Lindsay laughed as Loren headed to the table for condiments. "Her appetite she gets from you."

"I know," Danny beamed.

Lindsay swatted Danny playfully on the arm and smiled. "Okay grill master. Behave yourself. I'm gonna go see what everybody else is up to."

About half an hour later when everybody was through eating, Danny left the grill to join in on whatever fun he could. He had a short water gun fight with a few of the smaller kids, then joined the large group that had gathered in the middle of the yard to talk. Most of the adults had gathered to sit and talk, worn out with chasing children.

As the conversations started to calm, Mac stood and raised his plastic cup in the air. "Excuse me, if I could have everybody's attention please." The mass quieted down and all eyes turned to Mac. "Thank you. Well, as you all know, we're here today to help welcome our dear friends Danny and Loren into their new home." Several people turned and nodded to Danny, and to Loren who had sidled up next to him. "They've worked hard to get where they are and they deserve this more than any two people I know. And as I'm sure most of you all know by now, a house like this doesn't come along without some kind of promotion. Which brings me to the real reason for my toast." At that, everybody hoisted whatever drink they had into the air and waited. "To Danny Messer, First Grade Detective of the NYPD." The whole gathering clapped, cheered, and whistled in Danny and Loren's direction.

Loren tightly wrapped her arms around Danny and smiled as a camera flashed. "Congratulations, Daddy. You did it."

----------

Hours later, after everybody had gone home, Loren was in her room sitting at her computer. She sent a quick email to Stella, thanking her for sending her the picture she took earlier then logged offline. She took the picture off the printer and examined it carefully. After trimming the edges to make it just right, she slid it into the picture frame on her night stand, then turned off the light and went to bed.

--

**Feedback is a wonderful thing. I kinda thrive on it at this point in the story.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thanks once again to those who read and reviewed. And thanks to my lovely beta :)**

**Disclaimer: Mistakes are my own, regular series cast are not.**

**--**

Loren kicked off her shoes at the back door and dropped her equipment bag next to them. She then padded over to the water hose and turned it on. She bent over and started to scrub away the debris on her legs.

When Danny heard the water turn on in the back yard, he walked out to see what was going on. "Whoa, what happened to you?"

Loren looked up as she continued to rub the mud, grass, and a blood stain from her legs. "Ah, well, when we got to the park, the diamond was already occupied. So we challenged the guys to a game." She looked back down at her feet as she finished cleaning up.

"Did you win?"

"No, we lost by one run." She turned off the water and put the hose back down. "But it was fun watching those boys struggle against us."

Danny reached into Loren's bag and grabbed her towel. "Looks like they did more than struggle. Looks like they put up quite a fight." He tossed the towel at her and pointed to the cut on her leg, which had started bleeding again from the scrubbing. "That hurt?"

"Nah. Couple band-aids, I'll be good as new."

"Well, you go shower. I'll put your gear away."

Loren finished drying her feet and opened the back door. "Thanks."

As Loren headed up the stairs, Danny grabbed her bag and shoes and headed for the garage to put it all away.

Half an hour later, Danny knocked on Loren's bedroom door. "Lor, I'm gonna start dinner soon. Got any requests?" There was no answer, so he tried again. "Loren, what do you want for supper?"

When she still didn't answer, he slowly twisted the doorknob. "Loren, can I come in?" he asked as he opened the door cautiously.

"Yeah," she said softly, almost inaudibly.

When Danny saw her, Loren was sitting on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She was holding something in her hand and as he walked closer he could see that it was a picture. It was a picture of Kerry, Loren, and himself, taken at Coney Island shortly before Kerry found out she was sick. It was one of his favorites, and one of Loren's as well because she could still remember parts of that day with her mother. Danny sat down on the bed next to Loren and saw that a tear was rolling down her cheek. "Loren, what's the matter?" he asked softly as he put a hand on her back.

"I found a small lump. While I was in the shower. I noticed it last month, but didn't really think much of it. When I checked again today, it was still there." Loren sniffed and wiped her face with the back of her hand.

Heart pounding, Danny wrapped his arms tight around Loren and held her close. "First thing in the morning, we'll call the doctor, okay?"

Loren looked up and nodded. "I don't know if I'm as strong as she was."

"Yes, you are. And you're going to be fine. I promise." He released his grasp on her and leaned over as he dug into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and searched through it until he found a business card. He stuck his wallet back into his pocket and handed Loren the card. "Do you want to call or would you like me to do it?"

Loren studied the card, then cocked an eyebrow. "Doctor Robyn Asher, OB/GYN. Where did you get this?"

"Lindsay. We were talking a while back and she said at your age you should probably be seeing a gynecologist." He started to turn a little pink but maintained his eye contact. "I know we talk about pretty much everything, and I love that, but I'm gonna leave the rest of that particular discussion up to Lindsay and Stella, if you don't mind."

"I think that's best," Loren nodded in agreement. She looked at the card in her hand. "I'll call. But I would really like it if you come with me. I don't want to do it alone."

"You won't be alone."

----------

After Loren went to bed that night, Danny went straight to his room and grabbed his cell phone. He dialed a number and waited for his best friend to pick up on the other end.

"Hey Messer, what's up?" Flack greeted.

"Flack, I can't lose her too. It's like déjà vu and I just can't do it over again. I just can't…"

"Whoa, Danny, slow down," Flack cut him off. "Take a deep breath. What's going on?"

Danny leaned back against the wall next to his door and slid down to the floor. He took a deep breath and fought back the emotions that were surging to the surface. "Flack, I can't lose my little girl."

Flack could tell his friend was struggling and wanted nothing more than to help him, especially when it came to Loren. "Danny what's goin' on with Loren?" he asked calmly.

"She found a lump."

Flack exhaled sharply and quickly gathered his thoughts, staying clear headed for Danny's sake. "You know as well as I do that until she gets it checked out, you can't go jumping to conclusions. She's strong Danny. Whatever it is she can handle it, and so can you."

Danny sighed and put his head down in his hand. "What if I can't Flack?"

"Dan, you're a single dad raising a teenage girl. If you can't handle what life has thrown at you so far…" He purposefully let his sentence trail off, giving Danny a chance to realize what he was saying.

Danny chuckled in spite of himself. "Since when are you so smart?"

"I have to be. I gotta keep you in line." He paused for a moment and waited for Danny to catch his breath. "Look, just wait to see what the doctor says. And I'll still be here if you need to freak out again later."

"Thanks Flack. That means a lot man."

"I'll talk to ya later, Danny."

"Later Flack."

----------

The next day, Loren made an appointment, and two days later, they were waiting anxiously in the waiting room of the women's clinic.

"I don't like it here. No guys," Danny whispered to Loren, trying to break the tension.

"There's a guy over there," Loren whispered back, gesturing across the room.

The man in question was sitting next to a pregnant woman, holding her hand and smiling at her.

"He's here with his pregnant wife. Doesn't count."

"And you're here with your freaked out daughter. Same idea."

"What is there to do around here?"

"Didn't I tell you to bring your MP3 player?"

"Hey, who's the parent here?"

Loren held back a grin. "Sometimes I wonder."

"Loren Motalzo?"

Loren and Danny turned to see a nurse holding a file standing in the doorway leading back into the clinic.

Loren stood and slung her purse on her shoulder.

As she started to walk away, Danny reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a quick comforting squeeze. "I'll be right here."

Loren smiled and headed toward the nurse. They walked to an exam room where the nurse took her history.

When she left, Loren changed and waited for the doctor. There was a knock at the door a few minutes later and Dr. Asher walked in. She was a very petite woman with bold blue eyes and fiery short blonde hair. She introduced herself with a quick handshake then began flipping through the file on the table.

"Well, your family history of breast cancer is certainly a good reason to bring you in here. But at sixteen years old, I'm not inclined to worry just yet. But we'll certainly have a look."

After the exam, Loren dressed again and sat in front of the table to talk with Dr. Asher.

"I'm going to make an appointment to send you to the radiologist to have this looked at. Normally, I wouldn't be alarmed at something small like that, but you have a family history of breast cancer, which you do know increases your risk of getting it. That's why you're here. After the radiologist sends the films back to me, I'll look for myself and call you."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Asher."

"You're welcome. And don't be afraid to call if you need anything."

Loren nodded and headed back toward the waiting room. When she stepped up next to Danny, he looked up at her expectantly.

"What did she say?"

"I'm going to the radiologist next week. We'll know for sure what it is then."

Danny stood and put his arm around her shoulders as they walked out the door. "Gonna be a long week huh?"

"Very."

--

**Would you kill me if I made you wait a week along with them?**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I'm not that evil, I wouldn't make you wait a whole week ;) Thanks for the R&Rs. And thanks so much to my wonderful beta. All mistakes are my own.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, only dream it.**

**--**

No matter how much Loren tried to concentrate in school, she couldn't stay focused. All she could think about was her mother. She died at 31, which was tragic. Now she was scared that she was going to die even younger from the same fate.

"Loren," a female voice interrupted her thoughts. "Hey, what's going on in that pretty head of yours? You've been in outer space all week."

"I know, Gina, I'm sorry." The pair sat down with their lunch trays in the back of the cafeteria where it was quiet. "Just been thinkin' about my mom. I miss her."

Gina put a hand over Loren's and smiled sympathetically. "That's never easy, losing someone. And you lost your mom before you got a chance to get to know her. But like you always tell me, you'll see her again someday. And you've got a great dad who definitely helps fill the void."

Loren thought about Danny and smiled. All week they had done nothing but spend time together, not once speaking of Loren's upcoming appointment or what it might mean. Just enjoying the company of their unique little family.

"Yeah, he is pretty great." Loren picked up her fork and began digging into her lunch. "But enough about your best friend in Deep Space Nine," she grinned, "who was the hottie I saw you talking to in the hall after chem lab this morning?"

Gina broke into a smile and leaned in close as they began talking about boys.

For the rest of the day, and for the first time all week, Loren managed to distract herself with the help of her friends and school.

As the day came to a close and she headed home after school, however, her heart began racing again.

Danny was waiting for her when she got home from school. "You ready to go?" he asked simply.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

They drove to the hospital in relative silence. Neither wanted to speak of what was going to happen in the next hour.

When they arrived at the hospital, they took the elevator up to the third floor to radiology and checked in. When Loren was called back, Danny waited again.

Loren walked back to a room that had a short row of stalls. A nurse gave her a gown and told her to remove any jewelry or metal, and strip from the waist up, and that she could leave her things in the changing stall. She was also given the option of staying in the changing area until she was called or going back into the waiting room. Loren stepped into the nearest open stall and pulled the curtain closed. She sat down on the bench and leaned back against the wall, sighing. She took only a moment to compose herself before she stood again and began removing her jewelry and clothing as the nurse instructed. When she was finished, she pulled the ties of the hospital gown around and secured them, then left the small room to return to the waiting room.

When she walked into the waiting room, Danny had to suppress a chuckle. "I like that. You thinkin' of starting a new trend: designer jeans and hospital garb?"

"Thank you for being so supportive, Dad," Loren said sarcastically as she sat in the chair next to him.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm all done making jokes. Just trying to cheer you up a little."

"I know. I just want this to be over with. I hate waiting."

Danny put an arm around her and pulled her into him. "At least we're waiting together."  
"Loren Motalzo?" a nurse called from the other side of the room.

"I'll be right over there when you get back." He pointed to the large picture window that opened up an entire wall of the waiting room. It looked out into the city, busy streets below offering a mild distraction. Danny kissed Loren on the cheek and watched her walk down the hall with the nurse.

----------

When Loren got to the radiology suite, she missed her mother all over again. She knew that her mom had to go through all of this and she must have been scared. And now she was going through it and she was terrified.

The next several minutes went by slowly. And Loren watched it all as if she wasn't a participant in the activities at all, but watching from the outside, because certainly it wasn't all happening to her.

The nurse helped her wrap a lead apron around her abdomen. She explained it was to minimize the amount of radiation entering her body, since the torso, being the largest, would absorb more than other parts of the body. She then guided her to stand in front of the x-ray platform.

Her hands were guided up above her head in a slightly odd, but not painful position. The nurse lined up the machine in front of her body, shining a bright light across her chest. As she stepped past the wall, obviously protecting herself from the radiation as well, she told Loren to take a deep breath and hold it.

Loren did as she was told. There was a small beeping sound in the room, then the nurse came back in. Loren looked at the protective wall with the window in it. There was a technician standing behind it, punching away at a computer already.

The nurse helped Loren take the lead apron off and Loren lowered her arms. She then pointed to a doorway, leading into an adjoining suite. When they walked in, Loren felt nauseated. She knew what that machine was for, even though she had never seen one before.

She was sixteen years old and was about to have a mammogram.

The nurse gently talked her through it again. She assured her that it would be over quickly and she would make sure they got the image they needed the first time. Loren attempted a smile and nodded.

As the nurse went to push the button that captured the radiological image, Loren gritted her teeth and thought only one thing: _I'm gonna fight._

The faint beeping sound in the room again meant the machine got the image and she was finished. The nurse came back in to help Loren step out of the grasp of the large machine and retie her gown. Then moments later, she saw the technician walk into the room again, never looking at her, only minding his business, tapping at keys on the computer.

Loren was lead back to the changing area and she stepped back into her stall, pulling the curtain closed. This time, when she sat on the bench, she couldn't compose herself so quickly. She sighed heavily as a tear rolled from her eye, and willed herself to stop at that. She knew that if she started crying now, she might never stop. The single tear followed its path down her cheek and dripped from her face onto the gown. After taking a deep breath, she wiped her face and changed back into her clothes.

When she walked back into the waiting room, she had never been happier to see her dad. He was pacing in front of the large window, watching the activities outside, but turned when he heard the door open across the room, He walked quickly toward her and she rushed into his arms.

"I wanna go home," was all she could say.

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**You know how much I enjoy feedback...**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed. And a huge, gigantic thanks to TessaStarDean for watching over this and helping me along the way! You totally rock!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize from the show.**

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The next afternoon, Danny was parking in the garage when he heard the phone in the house ring. He rushed to make it inside and catch it before whoever it was hung up, although he didn't know why he bothered when he had an answering machine. He caught the phone on the last ring and answered it, completely out of breath. "Hello?"

"_Hello. This is Doctor Asher. May I speak with Loren Motalzo?"_

"She's not home from school just yet. This is her father, Danny Messer."

"_Ah, Mister Messer. Well I called to let Loren know that the radiologist and I have both looked over the films and from what we can tell, the mass is a fibroadenoma. Those aren't cancerous, but I'll need to do a biopsy to confirm it, and I'll probably remove it, just to be safe."_

Danny sighed loudly and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter. "Thank you so much, Doctor. You don't know what that means to us. I'll let Loren know as soon as she gets home."

"_Okay, just call the office and make another appointment at your convenience. Have a nice day, Mister Messer."_

"You too, Doctor Asher." Danny hung up the phone and set it on the table. He sat staring out the kitchen window smiling as he thought about the great news.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, but it must have been a while when he heard Loren's voice and saw her hand waving in front of her face.

"Dad? Earth to Dad?"

"Loren!" He jumped up off the stool and wrapped his arms around her.

"Good to see you too. What's going on?"

Danny pulled himself away and held Loren at arm's length, but never letting go of her. "Doctor Asher called. She doesn't think it's cancer. She said it looks like a…" he scrunched his face up as he retrieved the word she used, "a fibroadenoma. But she said it probably isn't anything to worry about."

Loren shrieked and hugged Danny tightly.

"You need to call back and make another appointment. You have to have a biopsy to confirm it, and she said she'll probably go ahead and remove it just to be sure."

Loren wrinkled her nose. "That's not gonna feel so good."

"We'll both play hooky that day, how's that sound? I think with everything that's been going on this last week, we need a day off."

Loren laughed. "I think that sounds about right."

After hugging Danny again, Loren took her cell phone from her purse to call Dr. Asher's office back.

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Thursday morning, Loren was up at 5 am; much earlier than she needed to be up, but she couldn't sleep any longer. She ate breakfast and got dressed like she did every morning, but there was no need to be rushing for the subway at 7:30 on this particular morning. So she turned on the TV in the living room and flipped through the channels.

When Danny walked out of his room just before 8:00, he laughed at the sight. "You used to do that every morning." Loren looked up from the TV with a questioning look. "You got up early every morning and watched cartoons while you ate your breakfast."

Loren laughed and pointed to the TV. When Danny walked further into the room, he saw what she was pointing at. An old 'Bugs Bunny' cartoon flashed across the screen in muted colors.

"I figured if I was skipping school, cartoons were in order."

"Can't argue there. I'm gonna go shower. Would you mind starting the coffee for me?"

"Sure." Loren went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, then went back into the living room to enjoy her cartoons.

When Danny was finished getting dressed, he poured himself a cup of coffee and joined Loren on the couch. He sipped his coffee silently for a few minutes before set the cup down and reached to the floor for his shoes. "So what did you tell your friends?"

Loren turned the TV off and watched Danny put his shoes on. "I told Gina what was really going on yesterday. She gave me the best friend speech and told me that she'd be here before school in the morning to walk with me to the subway."

"Gina's a good girl."

"Everyone else thinks I have a dentist appointment today."

Danny laughed. "That's the best you could come up with?"

Loren laughed back. "My father is a CSI. I never bothered learning the fine art of lying because I knew I'd always get caught."

"And don't ever forget that." He stood and picked up his coffee, quickly finishing off the last of it. "Come on. Let's get going."

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Loren walked out of the outpatient clinic and into the waiting room later with a nurse at her side. She looked a little worse for the wear, but forced a smile onto her face.

Danny pulled himself away from the wall he had been holding up and greeted her with a sad smile. "Hey kiddo. How ya feeling?"

"It hurts," she said simply, scrunching her face.

The nurse handed Loren her purse, which she held down at her side now, unable to sling it up on her shoulder. She then looked to Danny. "The mass was a little more entangled in the tissue than the doctor had anticipated, so the incision was a little larger than what we had discussed before the procedure. She's going to be a little uncomfortable for a few days."

"Well, we'll just make it a really long weekend if we have to."

"That might be a good idea," Loren nodded.  
Danny accepted the discharge information handed to him and thanked the nurse before gently putting his hand on Loren's shoulder. "Let's get you home and settled in front of the TV for a while."

Once Loren was comfortable on the couch, Danny fixed lunch. He walked into the living room with a plate in one hand and a bottle of water and pill bottle balanced in the other. Loren carefully reached up to take the water and bottle of Tylenol first. After she took two tablets, she put both bottles down on the table next to her and settled the plate in her lap, thanking Danny in the process.

Danny left and returned a moment later with his own lunch and settled on the end of the couch near her feet.

"Thanks for playing hooky with me today. I mean, I probably would have been okay if you had dropped me off here after I was done. I would have just slept it off on the couch all afternoon."

"Yeah, but that's not nearly as fun as watching bad movies with your old man all day."

Loren chuckled. "That's right."

They finished eating and watched TV in relative silence for a while. As they watched the show, Loren couldn't help but smirk as she began thinking. "Hey Dad?"

Danny turned his head in Loren's direction. "Yeah?"

"If it _had_ been cancer," Loren started, which caused Danny's eyebrows to rise up into his hairline, "and I had to have a mastectomy, would you let me get breast implants?" She grinned only a little as she was trying to be serious but knew the laughing potential the question held, coming from a teenage daughter asking a father.

"Yes," Danny nodded, without a second thought.

"Seriously?" Her brow wrinkled.

"I don't think it would be fair of me to tell you no. You're a young woman, and whether I like it or not, you're growing up. You probably wouldn't be comfortable otherwise." He broke his gaze on her. "Besides, your mother had them too. So I know she would never tell you no."

"Mom had implants?"

Danny nodded confirmation.

"Wow. From the pictures I never would have guessed."

"Believe me, I had no clue until I saw the scars."

This time, Loren's eyebrows shot up. "You saw?….Did you guys….I mean, were you…? Dad, help me out here."

Danny laughed as Loren fumbled with her words. "We were friends. Your mom had a bad date one time and we got to talking about her scars. That's when she told me about the first time she had cancer. We had a contest of sorts, comparing scars, and she wouldn't be beat. So she showed me," he said simply.

Loren smiled. "I wish I could remember her like that. There's so much I don't know about her."

"She was a really amazing woman. I'm just sorry she couldn't be here to see how amazing you are too. You're so much like her."

"Tell me."

"What?"

"Tell me how I'm like her. Tell me what she was like. Tell me the things she liked to do, the movies she watched, where she wanted to travel in the world, everything. I know all the big things. She died of breast cancer before I was five. She asked her best friend to adopt me. But aside from that, I don't really know much. Of the things I remember, they don't compare to the things I know you remember. I want to know her like you did."

"Well, where do you want me to start?"

Loren grinned from ear to ear and turned herself on the couch. "Start at the day you met, and don't leave anything out."

FIN

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**Well, that's all I have for you. I hope you all enjoyed. Feedback is still greatly appreciated.**


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